The Elegant Teen 1i576d

The Elegant Teen

Jenna Thrasher

Published by Jenna Thrasher, 2020.

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

THE ELEGANT TEEN

First edition. November 22, 2020.

Copyright © 2020 Jenna Thrasher.

Written by Jenna Thrasher.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1: My Road to Elegance

Chapter 2: Manners, Etiquette, and Behavior

Chapter 3: Fashion

Chapter 4: Beauty

Chapter 5: Decorating

Chapter 6: School

Chapter 7: Social Media

Chapter 8: Alcohol and Drugs

Chapter 9: Parents

Chapter 10: Friends

Chapter 11: Dating

Chapter 12: Elegant (and Inelegant Emotions)

Chapter 13: Managing Stress

Chapter 14: Quick Pick-me-ups

Chapter 15: Pursuing Your ions and Planning for the Future

Chapter 16: Icons to Live By

A Final Note

Acknowledgments

About the Author

This book is dedicated to my wonderful parents who have always ed me and believed in me, even when I didn’t have faith in myself.

It is also dedicated to all of the wonderful young women out there who have the desire and drive to become the best versions of themselves.

Introduction

There have been hundreds and hundreds of books written about elegance and manners. Most of these books are written for adults, with the exception of a few written with teens in mind. However, the books for teens focus more on manners, and less on lifestyle. This book won’t tell you how to correctly hold your fork and knife or how to shake someone’s hand. It will, however, tell you how to gracefully navigate a complicated and stressful time in your life. My name is Jenna Thrasher, and I just turned eighteen. I was never one who looked forward to her teenage years. My life has been the exact opposite of every coming-of-age movie. Instead of partying on Friday nights, I was at home watching The Real Housewives of New York City. Instead of having my first date, I was fantasizing about my first Chanel bag. While deep down, I do feel a tiny bit sad that it’s almost all over, I feel more ready for adulthood than I ever thought I would. Sure, I don’t know how to do taxes or iron my clothes, but I feel mentally prepared. Through my entire teens, I was obsessed with becoming an adult. I dressed like one, tried to act like one, and couldn’t wait to be one. I spent hours on Zillow looking for the perfect pre-war apartment on the Upper East Side. Not only have I found it, (looking at you, 1136 5th Avenue!), I’ve even mentally decorated it. I’ve also picked out my engagement ring (emerald cut, preferably from Harry Winston), yet I have never been in a relationship. Because of this, I’ve realized that you don’t have to live like the rest of your classmates, or like the teens portrayed on TV. Part of the reason I’m writing this book is because there is a lack of good role models for teens, especially in the media. I can’t think of one character in a teen movie or TV show who is elegant, which is something that needs to change. Shows—Gossip Girl, Euphoria, The O.C. and so on—glorify bad behavior. While I am a huge fan of most of these shows, especially Gossip Girl, they gave me a distorted view of what it means to be a teenager. “Regular” people don’t drink at upscale bars at sixteen or go clubbing on school nights. The teens in these shows are portrayed as partying, hormone-crazy, alcohol-obsessed, rule-breaking adolescents who have little to no direction. Teenagers are constantly consuming media that tells them to break rules and live it up—as if this is the only “fun” time in your life. What if these formative years

were a time of learning and preparing, instead of wasting and ruining? I’m not saying that it’s bad to make mistakes. However, controlling your behavior will make your adolescence a whole lot easier, and will even prepare you for adulthood. I’m not saying that I have all the answers or am perfect: believe me, I’m not. I’m still learning and growing as a person every day, just like you. However, there is, in the world, a lack of modern role models for young women. I’m hoping that this guide can try to fill that gap. If you follow the advice given in this book, you will be proud of yourself for not giving in to negative stereotypes.

WHAT IS ELEGANCE? Elegance is a trait that often seems intimidating. However, what many don’t understand is that it can actually make people far more comfortable around you. As one of my favorite housewives on The Real Housewives of New York City, Countess Luann De Lesseps, once said, “Elegance is all about making people feel comfortable.” There is a common misconception that elegance is a trait only associated with the upper class. However, it has absolutely nothing to do with money. Elegance comes not from good breeding or blood lines, but from within. It is something that can be learned, and with practice, can become one of your best traits. There is a constant lack of elegance in our society today, possibly because people are glued to their phones. In order to show respect, and treat others as you would want to be treated, you have to be in the present moment. Still, you don’t have to be an expert on manners or style to be elegant. Elegance, to me, starts with kindness. Being nice and warm to those around you, as opposed to being stuck up and snooty, makes others feel comfortable. Elegance is about knowing when and where to filter what you say. Honesty is good, but not at the expense of other people’s feelings. Knowing the climate and people around you is key; it’s important to know when to keep critiques to yourself. In order to be elegant, you must also be self-confident. This is not to be confused with arrogance, a trait that I find extremely tasteless. Self-confidence is being respectful and sure of yourself. You have spent time reflecting on who you are, and are therefore able to know that you are a person you are proud of. A person who is confident is easy to be around; they can laugh at themselves, rather than at others. They take responsibility for their actions. Being elegant doesn't mean striving for perfection—it means striving to be the best person you can. Essentially, elegance is a skill that you will have for the rest of your life if you follow the advice in this book. As Audrey Hepburn once said, “Elegance is the only beauty that never fades.” I hope that in the course of reading this book, you will realize that living elegantly results in an overall better quality of life—both on the outside and on the inside.

Chapter 1: My Road to Elegance

No one is born with elegance. All throughout lower school and the beginning of middle school, I lacked confidence. I was friends with people who treated me poorly, and that greatly affected my self-esteem. I’ve tried on a couple of different personalities over the years. When I ed my current school in fourth grade, I was an excited, yet nervous 10-year-old. Before that, at my old huge public school, I had succeeded at making one or two great friends, but I never quite meshed with the rest of my classmates or teachers. I was also, for reasons unbeknownst to me, struggling in school. I was tired of being a relative nobody, and looked forward to, in a smaller environment, becoming someone new. In my new private school, I tried to be bubbly and likeable on the outside, but within, I struggled. Most friend groups had been established in kindergarten, and breaking in was a challenge. In an effort to be unique, I played on the fact that I liked Barbie dolls (yes, Barbie dolls) to get attention and establish that I was fun and playful. I soon realized there is a difference between good attention and bad attention. When sixth grade came along, I dropped the whole Barbie spiel. I was ready to move on from my childish antics to a more mature interest: fashion. I had always loved fashion, but my obsession had grown significantly over the past year, when I’d discovered Chanel and other designer labels. However, I still lacked confidence. For the first few months of middle school, I struggled. I had many short-lived best friends, and I couldn't find a group of people that I liked. As a side note, Middle School girls are absolutely horrible. One minute, you’re best friends with a girl; the next, for no apparent reason, she will stop talking to you. My bizarre minute-long friendships and poor performance in classes shattered my self-esteem even more. Everything came to a breaking point during a fall conference. Though I had an inkling that something wasn’t right, I wasn’t being open with my parents about my failures and missteps. Once my advisor, in the most polite way possible, told them about my struggles, the cat was out of the bag. It took me to fall to the lowest of lows, both in school (failing math) and personally (not liking who I was), to get to where I am now, and I couldn't be more thankful.

After that horrible conference, the school recommended that I get tested to see if I had a learning disability. When the results came back that I had ADD, the puzzle pieces started to come together. Though I was slightly shocked at first by my diagnosis, I now know why I had struggled for all of those years. I wasn’t stupid, just unmedicated. After this incident, I wanted to turn my life around; I wanted to become someone I was proud to be. Once I was able to take my studies more seriously, I started to take myself more seriously as well. I began learning about how I could better myself. I had always been interested in the idea of living an elegant lifestyle. I dressed the part, and was now starting to act the part too. However, I wanted to perfect my skills. Since then, I’ve read countless books and watched countless YouTube videos in order to learn about etiquette and elegant living. In eighth grade, I even wrote a paper and gave a Ted Talk-esque presentation on the importance of etiquette and how it should still be appreciated, even if it may feel like a lost art in a world of social media. I think everyone who watched it was surprised that a fourteen-year-old was giving a speech about having good manners, but it was well-received. While etiquette is only just a part of elegant living, it helps to give you an easy boost of confidence. You don’t have to hit rock bottom or discover that you have a learning disability to turn your life around. This just happens to be how I got to where I am today. I had to it that I wasn’t being the best version of myself in order to focus on who I wanted to become. Living elegantly has turned my life around, and I know it has the power to change yours for the better as well.

Chapter 2: Manners, Etiquette, and Behavior

When it comes to living elegantly, good behavior should be a priority, which includes always using your manners. Before I stress the importance of manners, I’m first going to identify what they are. Manners, in their most simple definition, are an act of gratitude. They are the way we behave towards others, and how and if we use them says everything . Manners are to be used in all aspects of your life: when you hold a door for someone, thank them, smile at them, make eye while speaking to them, and so on. They are an essential part of elegant living, and are just as important for teenagers as they are for adults. You might be thinking that manners are outdated and unnecessary, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. They are extremely underrated, and having them will make you more polished and elegant than ever before. You don’t have to memorize the works and ways of Emily Post to have good manners. Just be aware and cautious of your behavior. When someone sees a teenager, they are likely going to think that they are ignorant and perhaps have bad manners. So, be the unexpected, and surprise them with your grace and charm. When you are talking to someone, be sure to make eye with them. If you don’t, the conversation will feel awkward and uncomfortable. Making eye shows that you are comfortable in the conversation, and that you are actively listening. However, it’s okay to take a quick glance somewhere else for a second if your eyes need a break. Also, it can look unnatural if you hold it for too long, so be sure to look to the side if you need to. Try to listen rather than talk, and always ask questions. I have met many, many people who talk at me rather than with me. They are not really listening to what I’m saying, so they don’t even know what to respond with or ask. If I try to contribute, they merely keep on talking about themselves. In order to avoid being this person, really listen to what someone has to say when they are talking to you. For the most part, I like to listen rather than talk, so active listening is not something that is hard for me to do. If you like to do most of the talking, I suggest channeling this towards asking questions instead. Not

only will you learn more about other people, but they will also feel valued and respected, as well as happy that you are curious about them. Kindness is key. As cliché as this sounds, kindness is the most essential part of having good manners. Be kind to everyone you interact with. However, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if people start to take advantage of your kindness. Kindness is not the same as weakness; make sure everyone around you knows that. Write thank you notes. Every time you receive a gift or have a job/college interview, send a thank-you note right away. Thank-you cards are a lost art, and are extremely appreciated by anyone who receives one. It shows that you took the time to really process what that person did for you, and that you are showing your gratitude with a special and personal note. Unlike a text or email, a handwritten note is much more personal and sophisticated —and much more valued. Bonus: if you really want to make someone feel special, go and get some custom stationery. That way, you can have a set of cards with an extra personal touch. Don’t disturb people with your phone. There is nothing worse than someone blasting music or talking loudly on their phone in a public place. Others do not need to hear your offensive lyrics or drama with a friend. If you really want to listen to music, put on headphones. However, be sure that they are quiet enough so that others can’t hear the music. If you need to talk on the phone, do so quietly and in as private a place as possible. Don’t swear in public. I have a confession to make. While I am very ionate about etiquette, I do swear from time to time in private. It’s a horrible, dirty habit that I’m working on, but it does come out every once in a while. However, if you swear like me, make sure that you are careful about when and who you say it to. Swearing can be offensive and downright rude, so don’t do it in a public place, especially at school. Practice good table etiquette when you go out to eat. One of the most prominent components of etiquette is table manners. How you sit down for a meal and conduct yourself at a table is a keen reflection of your behavior. When you are seated at a table, make sure to put your napkin on your lap

right away. Throughout the meal, make sure that you are kind and gracious to the server, keep your elbows off the table, and chew with your mouth closed. Don’t ask how much something cost. This is one that I find highly disrespectful. Asking someone how much something costs has the ability to embarrass and distress them. Not only does it put them on the spot, it forces them to address a very inappropriate subject: money. If someone tells you the price of something, that’s their prerogative, but never breach the subject yourself. Have good time management. Always be respectful of other people’s time. If you are going to an appointment or in a school setting, always be early so that you can check in or get settled. The only time it is acceptable to be late is when attending a party. In this case, it is actually considered rude to be early, as the host is probably putting the last finishing touches on everything. Therefore, arrive ten late, giving the host plenty of time to get things together. Don’t nitpick. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in a person. It’s embarrassing when you mispronounce a word or make an error about a fact. Let people be, and don’t constantly correct them on things that aren’t worth correcting. Try to be as agreeable as you can—which is not the same thing as being ive. Being agreeable just means that you find the positives and try to relate to or understand even just a tiny bit of what someone is saying. Don’t brag. To me, there is no act that is as rude as bragging. Don’t brag about your GPA, your abundant list of extracurricular activities, or your great social life. No one wants to hear it. If anything, it makes one look extremely insecure. It’s just common sense to keep these things to yourself. If you are truly confident, this will be easy to do. If not, try to find selfassurance from within. , people are not impressed by bragging. Instead, they are most likely irritated. Don’t name drop. Name dropping is one of those transparently desperate things that always annoy me about someone. Your worth is not determined by the people you know—it’s by the person you are. If you are truly sure of yourself, you won’t list off names of other “important” people you know to

get ahead. Make sure to use your executive function. This essentially means to always filter what you say. You can say whatever you want in your head, but be careful of what you say out loud. Keep nasty comments to yourself. Don’t say anything to someone you wouldn’t want said to you, as mean things tend to stick in a person’s brain forever. Be humble. This is an important one. Many people think that dres and liking nice things makes you snooty, but it’s the exact opposite. Being humble is being discreet and private about one’s successes. You can carry a Chanel bag and still be low-key about the A you got on a math test. Accept compliments. If someone says that they like your top, say “Thank you so much. That is so sweet of you.” rather than something like, “Oh, this gross thing? I just found it in the back of my closet and decided to put it on.” While it may seem like you are just being humble, you are actually offending a person’s judgment when you decline a compliment. Always say thank you, and don’t feel obligated to return the compliment. Unless you mean it, it may come across as insincere. Always offer to help others. When you see someone struggling, offer to help. Don’t just be the person who stands there awkwardly and ignores the situation. Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome. These three golden phrases will take you far. Smile often. Smiling makes you look kinder and more welcoming. You don’t have to smile all the time, but make sure you do so when you are greeting someone or talking to someone. As I once learned in cotillion, it takes more work to frown than it does to smile, so your face will thank you. Be in the moment. Try not to be consumed by the past or future. Pay attention to what is in front of you. If you struggle with this (like I sometimes do!), try to compartmentalize your thoughts. Assure yourself that you will deal with whatever distractions you have in the future, and push them aside for the moment. Speak clearly. Speaking clearly is one that I still struggle with from time to

time. I can sometimes speak a little fast and get tongue-tied by my words. If you happen to mess up, just repeat yourself, then keep going. Be positive and enthusiastic. Bring positivity to any person you interact with. Even if you’re having a bad day, it’s not anyone else’s problem. Grace everyone with a smile and a warm presence. When you walk into a room, try to make sure it’ll be a better place when you leave it. Treat people how you want to be treated. How you treat people when no one else is looking says everything about you. Treat a waiter the same way you would treat an executive. Everyone is worthy of your kindness and respect. Carry yourself with confidence and poise. Poise, as defined, is “graceful and elegant bearing in a person.” Have composure and confidence in all of your actions. This will not only make you feel more self-assured, but others will feel more comfortable around you as well.

Chapter 3: Fashion

Though I’ve become a self-proclaimed expert on fashion, I wasn’t always as put together as I am now. The summer after third grade, I went on a trip to Washington D.C. with my family. My mom used to work in Capitol Hill, and still had some connections, so decided to take us to do some exploring where she used to work. When I was getting ready that morning, my mom told me that I should wear something nice, just in case we ran into someone important. However, I insisted that since we were on vacation, I had every right to dress casually. I settled on a pair of tan shorts and a faded Mickey Mouse t-shirt (seriously!). Hours later, we met a Congressional staff member who offered to give us a tour of the Capitol. Unbelievably, we ended up on the floor of the House of Representatives. In a room full of men in suits, here I was, looking absolutely juvenile. I spent the entire day wishing that I had listened to my mom, and this memory still gives me shudders. However, I learned one of my most valuable lessons in fashion, which is to always dress in a way that is respectful. Who knows where the world will take you every day? Fashion is the most obvious first impression. Though perhaps it is wrong to judge people solely on what they are wearing, fashion is often the only thing we consider when looking at someone for the first time. What you wear says a lot about who you are: your gender, socioeconomic status, interests, values and so on. Since you likely want to make a good impression, always dress in a way that is tasteful and stylish. Over the years, fashion has become my greatest weapon. I’ve turned it into a power tool. As a girl who is about 5’4 and fairly petite, I don’t exactly command attention and authority when I enter a room. However, when I dress well, it makes people look twice and take me seriously. Fashion is the most powerful form of art: you live your life inside it. Dressing in a way that is elegant will also make you more memorable. In the simplest possible, dressing elegantly means putting thought and care into your presentation. If you practice this, it will over time begin to become incredibly

easy. Dressing elegantly should look effortless, by which I mean that it should look natural to who you are. Don’t worry: it’s taken me awhile to find my style. I still shudder at the thought of a few horrible fashion choices I made in the past, but I don’t regret them, as they helped me to develop the style and taste I have today. I would characterize my style as classic chic, meaning that I love timeless, elegant pieces that will be in style forever. In order to dress elegantly, start by doing some research. As a young teen, I spent hours looking at pictures of Jackie Kennedy Onassis, Coco Chanel, and Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, hoping their style might rub off on me if I paid enough attention to the details in their outfits. A great place to find photos of women like this is on Pinterest. As silly as it sounds, Pinterest is a great place to do a deep style dive—you can “pin” all of the photos you see. Then, when you go to shop, you can pull up your board of pins full of inspiration. One of the biggest misconceptions about dressing well is that it makes you look snobby or unapproachable. While in some rare cases this may be true, dressing well actually shows that you are respectful of those around you. You are telling the world and the people in your life that you respect them and that they are worthy of your nice appearance. Plus, you don’t have to spend a million to look like a million (I do most of my shopping at H&M); even a simple blouse with jeans and a few personal accessories will make you stand out. When it comes to living elegantly, fashion is an integral part of life. Even when you are running to the grocery store, put on a pair of jeans and a blouse or a sweater. I always think of this quote from Coco Chanel: “Dress like you are going to meet your worst enemy today.” Though you will most likely not run into an enemy at the convenience store, always be prepared to run into someone you know. In other words, always dress “in character.” Never let anyone see you without looking put together. Once you become confident and comfortable in your clothing, dressing the part will not be a chore, but a pleasure—a way of adding extra excitement to your life. Dres can make even the blandest of outings joyful. If you have the right pieces (ones that look and fit great), finding an outfit for any occasion will be a piece of cake. You will no longer have to stress about what to wear, but instead be able to choose from a variety of carefully picked

clothes that you can mix and match. Eliminating stress about dressing will not only get rid of an obstacle in your life, but make everything you do a little more fun.

MY STYLE EVOLUTION When I was a freshman, I found myself constantly getting caught up in trends. As an aspiring fashion editor, I thought that in order to be stylish, I needed to be trendy. I found myself trying to look like Bella Hadid and the girls on the Brandy Melville website, which is certainly not who I am. I let my classic clothing shift to the back of my wardrobe, and instead spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on clothing that didn’t fit properly, was made poorly, and wasn’t my taste. To this day, I shudder about how much money I spent on clothing I basically threw away. However, I learned one of my most valuable lessons regarding fashion: buy timeless, classic clothing that will be in style forever. Let’s face it, it’s not very comfortable to walk around in a crop top and mini skirt, and it’s certainly not fun to look like everyone else. Don’t be tempted by trends. The only trends you should ever indulge in are runway trends, like feathers or plaid, but even be cautious with those. After my epiphany, I cut back my shopping significantly. During my junior year, I think I only went shopping two or three times, and when I did, I bought a pair of jeans or a blazer that I knew would look good forever. In a closet purge about a year ago, I packed all of my Brandy Melville and trendy stuff from 2017 into a bag and let it go. It felt so freeing. Now, when I sift through my clothes, I love everything that I touch, and would not be embarrassed to wear any of it—which is the key to building a timeless and elegant wardrobe. Teen Fashion When you think of teen fashion, you probably picture someone in a skimpy outfit. This is thanks to people like Kylie Jenner, who prioritize sex appeal over style. Some might think that because I wear blazers and loafers, I lack “youth.” To me, being youthful is more about energy, and less about appearance. Wearing crop tops and short-shorts isn’t youthful. Having energy and positivity is youthful, and something you can carry on for the rest of your life—and that’s what my clothes give me.

Dressing for School When it comes to fashion, don’t be afraid to dress up for school. I go to a private school, but since we don’t wear uniforms, everyone dresses really casually. If this is the case at your school, don’t be afraid to stand out and dress up. that dressing well tells the world that you take yourself and the people around you seriously—not that you are a ditz who only cares about fashion. However, society tends to think the latter, because fashion is an industry that is geared towards women (think: how many fashion magazines are there for women compared to men?). Fashion is a valid interest, and it deserves as much respect as any other. Plus, fashion is fun. As someone who has always dreamed of working in the fashion industry, I know that fashion is not just self-expression, but a way to try on new versions of yourself. Take the risk and wear something people might not expect a teenager to wear, like a button-down with feathers or a sequined skirt. However, when dressing, it is important to consider the setting that you will be in. What you wear to a party is different from what you would wear in a classroom, so be sure to be mindful of professional environments. Shopping Since not many high-schoolers work full-time jobs, finding money to go spend on clothes is easier said than done. Even if you are making money, you probably don’t want to go and blow it all on a $500 blouse. Luckily, in order to dress elegantly, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on clothing. The pieces that you need for an elegant wardrobe are simple and classic, not complex and expensive. You can even go to stores like H&M and Zara, which have very reasonable prices. The key to finding great pieces at stores like these is having patience and an eye for detail and texture. Search for clothing made of materials that look expensive, such as tweed, wool, and satin. From there, you can create outfits that look like they cost $1,000, not $50. When shopping, look for clothes that are timeless rather than trendy. As Karl Lagerfeld once said, “Trendy is the last stage before tacky.” This quote made me reevaluate my whole wardrobe. I went to my closet and purged all of the crop tops, crop sweaters, mini skirts, mini dresses, and (gasp!) the one pair of sweatpants. After looking through all of the clothes, I realized that most of them

were impulse purchases. When I bought them, I wasn’t thinking about how long they would last, or even if they would still be in style in a month. Clearing out everything that was “trendy” and didn’t fit right changed my style for the better. It also taught me the importance of developing my own personal style and not letting trends dictate what I wore. If you want to go for a look that appears polished and expensive, avoid bright colors and opt for neutrals instead. My closet consists mainly of blacks, whites, and tans. I love these colors because you can mix and match them very easily. If there is anything you can take away from this section, it is to stop constantly buying new clothes, and instead, save up your money for high-end accessories (which I will expand on later). Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t love shopping. Though the items I will list down below make a great wardrobe, there is always room to expand your collection. I like to shop at the beginning of each season. I start by going through what I wore the year before, and taking out any pieces that I no longer love. Then, I will try to find a few new pieces that will freshen up my wardrobe. For example, at the beginning of fall, I will often keep my eye out for a few new sweaters, blazers, or jackets. Even one new piece can create a few different outfits.

YOUR CAPSULE WARDROBE Fall/Winter Jeans (flare and skinny): The thing I love about jeans is that you can dress them up and down. They are my go-to pant, and with the right top, can look super chic! I recommend having at least two good pairs of jeans—one skinny and one flared. The reason for this is so you can balance the jeans with the fit of the top. For example, if I’m wearing a tight shirt, I’ll wear a flare jean. When picking a type of jean, avoid a light-wash, and go for a medium to darker jean, as it looks more classic and put-together. White button-down shirt: This is the ultimate classic wardrobe staple. I have a few, and they look great alone, as well as under a sweater, blazer, or jacket. If you want to go for the ultimate chic look, pop the collar and add a pearl necklace. Tros (tan): Tros are great for when you are feeling tired of jeans. They add a certain maturity to any outfit, and show that you know how to serve up different pant styles. I love wearing mine with blouses and sweaters, and sometimes with a belt to add a little extra pop. Pussycat-bow blouse (Black and cream): I’m a sucker for anything with bows or satin, and the pussycat-bow blouse combines the two in a creation that’s truly chic. Three to four blazers (my favorites are navy, tweed, and plaid): Blazers are the ultimate outfit-elevator You can wear them over T-shirts, sweaters, button-downs, or dresses—basically anything. Black sweater: A black sweater is a classic wardrobe staple. It can be worn anytime, anywhere, and under anything. It’s also very comfortable, and great for the days when you feel like you don’t have anything to wear. Cardigan (long and short): I recommend always having a long and a short cardigan in your closet. They are great for throwing over your shoulders or tossing in your bag or backpack in case you get chilly during the day, or feel the need to cover up. I would get a long and short one in black to start, and

then expand to white or beige. Turtlenecks (black and cream): A turtleneck, like the sweater, is very versatile. These are my staples during the winter, as I wear them under blazers and cardigans. There is something very sophisticated about a turtleneck. Little black dress: The little black dress (or LBD) is one of the most iconic fashion staples of all time. First made famous by Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the LBD is an enduring icon for elegance and good taste. I recommend having at least one in your closet, so you can dress it up or down for any occasion.

Spring/Summer White jeans (flare and skinny): White jeans brighten up any outfit, and are a fun change from dark jeans. They go with anything and everything, so I recommend having two pairs in your closet that can go with all different types of tops. Patterned shorts: Patterned shorts are a great way to add color. My absolute favorites are from Lilly Pulitzer; I love to mix and match them with different solid-colored shirts and sandals. Paper bag shorts: Just like a paper bag pant, paper bag shorts are a fun substitute for jeans/jean shorts. Paper bag shorts are essentially tro-like shorts that are wide-fit, but feature a belt/bow. I like them in black and tan, and I wear them with blouses and t-shirts. Cotton T-shirts (black and white): The thing that I love about a simple Tshirt is that it can easily be dressed up. Whether you wear it with jeans or shorts, it is a no-fail option for a classic look. When picking out the perfect tee, make sure it is made out of a good material. I prefer ones that are thicker so that bra lines aren’t visible. Striped button-down: While this piece works great in a fall/winter wardrobe, it can also add a beachy, preppy look. I suggest investing in a nice one (my favorite is from Alex Mill) to ensure that it can take the summer heat. I like to wear mine with everything, especially jeans. You can also dress it up or down by popping the collar. Colorful shift dress: A colorful shift dress is perfect for any formal or casual summer occasion, such as graduations, parties, birthdays, and everything in between. My absolute favorite one is in a mustard-yellow hue, and it fits perfectly—which is key for these dresses. Make sure you find one that is not too loose, but not too tight. Wrap (cream): A wrap can be worn in all seasons, but I particularly love it for summer evenings, when the breeze is just starting to kick in. It looks great wrapped over a t-shirt or button down and can help provide a bit of coverage if you are wearing shorts.

Shoes Loafers (black): Loafers have become a favorite of mine in the past four years or so because they are so classic. I love to wear them with flare jeans. Though they are traditionally masculine shoes, there have been many feminine iterations of them. My favorite pair are from Zara, in black patent leather with pearl detailing. I find that they instantly add character to any outfit. Ballet flats: I’ve been wearing ballet flats for as long as I can . They are the ultimate chic staple, and work great with all types of outfits. My absolute favorites are the two-tone beige and black Chanel flats. Boots (black): A pair of boots is very important if you live in a colder climate. I recommend acquiring a pair of knee-high boots in black. They work great with skinny jeans and dresses/skirts. Sandals: Sandals are essential for a summer wardrobe. I wear mine with everything—jeans, shorts, skits, tros, and dresses. My favorite pair are the Tory Burch Miller sandal. Low heels (nude or black): A low heel is essential for any formal occasion (parties, dances, religious events, and so on). Also, if you have a hard time walking in super high heels (like me!), low ones won’t make you look awkward or feel uncomfortable. They are essentially just an elevated flat, but have an extra level of formality. Sneakers: While I was a fan of this popular shoe in eighth and ninth grade, it has since become a style that I only wear every once in a while. Certainly there are some stylish sneakers out there, but they are not a shoe that is appropriate to wear every day. However, sometimes heels and flats just won’t work for the day’s activities. I would recommend investing in a very stylish sneaker that you can wear with your more formal clothes for long outings. For example, I decided to buy a pair of Gucci sneakers for a month-long trip to New York one summer because I knew I couldn't walk around the city in sandals. I don’t wear them all the time, but it’s great to know that they are there if I need them. Notes on Practicality I live in Minnesota, and for most of the year, it’s really snowy and icy -—which

is no match for loafers or ballet flats. In order to safely walk from the parking lot to the school building, I wear a pair of quilted slip-ons (ittedly, still not great, but much better than flats) into school, and then change into my preferred shoes once I get into the building. Last year, I decided that I needed a shoe for the days it got really cold, so I decided to invest in a pair of knee-high boots from Cole Haan. They are super stylish, and I wear them from October to March. Their low heel makes navigating around school easy (we’ve got lots of hallways and flights of stairs). However, what about wearing boots with a high heel, or high heels in general? Go for it (as long as you can walk in them)! For my fourteenth birthday, I was generously gifted a pair of Louboutins. The heel is only about 1.2 inches, but they made me feel so confident and classy. I wore them in middle school where the hallways were smaller, but I don’t wear them as much in high school, since I’m having to run across the building all day long. If I do decide to wear them, I will pack a pair of loafers to change into, just in case. Also, I haven’t yet figured out how to drive in heels, so I always wear something else when I know I’ll be behind the wheel of a car. Accessories Accessories have the power to make a good outfit a great outfit. They also add touches of your personality. They can be big or small, but they should always impact an outfit for the better. Below is a list of accessories you might like to acquire to become the most stylish and put-together version of yourself. Belt: A belt is a great accessory that can elevate any outfit. It can make a sweater and jeans combo go from drab to fab. I recommend investing in one you really love. Pearl earrings: Pearl earrings are about as timeless as it gets. They go with absolutely everything, and match both silver and gold jewelry. Don’t feel the need to invest in a real pair unless you are absolutely sure you can take care of them. I have a faux pair, and they are just as elegant as real ones. Bracelets: Bracelets are my favorite type of jewelry since I love that they can be layered and stacked. I usually wear one or two gold bangles from Kate Spade with a gold cuff or a leather Louis Vuitton bracelet.

Rings: Rings are great, as long as you don’t wear too many. When it comes to rings, pick one a day, and wear it on your middle or ring finder. It adds a touch of character, and makes the fingers look more elongated. Watch: A watch is something you can wear every day, which is part of the reason I love them. I’ve donned my Kate Spade watch every day since I got it for Christmas in seventh grade; it makes every outfit look a bit more put-together. Truth be told, the clock doesn’t even work anymore, but if yours does, it is a great tool if you don’t have your phone on hand. Sunglasses: Sunglasses are the ultimate glam touch—think Jackie O strolling down 5th avenue in a pair of tortoise Nina Riccis. They make us look a little more mysterious, while also adding a bit of flair. I recommend having a go-to pair—it’ll be useful whether you are facing the sun or wanting to look instantly chic. Handbag: I’ll expand more on this later, but always bring a handbag when going out. If you carry one, you won’t have to awkwardly juggle your phone, keys, wallet, and lip balm in your hand and be constantly worried about misplacing them. Pearl strand necklace: There is nothing classier than a pearl necklace. A favorite of Jackie O and Coco Chanel, the pearl necklace is an enduring icon for timeless elegance and taste. You can wear a pearl necklace with anything, and it will instantly chic-ify any outfit. The great thing about a pearl strand necklace is that you can loop it many different ways. It is very versatile, and a key piece of any classic wardrobe. Silk Scarf: A silk scarf is one of the easiest ways to add a touch of elegance. You can tie them around your neck, under the collar of a blouse, through pant loops, and even on your handbag. Find a few that you like and try to incorporate one to make an ordinary outfit—it will add a certain “it” factor that no one will be able to miss. Since silk is an expensive fabric, you may not want to spend a ton of money on a scarf made of it. However, you can easily find one at a discount at consignment shops. On a side-not, secondhand fashion is great; you can get expensive products for half the price. A Note on Jewelry When it comes to jewelry, less is more. Fine jewelry is much more elegant than

big, chunky pieces. Jewelry is meant to enhance an outfit, not overpower it. I always think of this quote from Coco Chanel when choosing jewelry for an outfit: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” It’s better to underdo it with jewelry than to overdo it. Coats Much like everything else in my wardrobe, when I shop for a coat, I buy one that I can see myself wearing for a very long time. Trench coat: There is no coat as chic as the classic trench, great for both the fall and spring as a transition coat between seasons. They are also the ultimate rainy-day staple (next to Hunter rain boots, of course). Leather jacket: A leather jacket is an edgy touch that can add flair to any outfit. I wear mine in the fall, and I love to layer it over sweaters, turtlenecks, and blouses. When shopping for one, opt for a silhouette and cut that is timeless so you can wear it for as many years as you want. Wool camel coat: A wool coat is sort of like a heavier version of the trench coat. It’s also the chicest way to stay warm during the winter. There is something so grown-up and sophisticated about the camel coat—it totally evokes a late-sixties Jackie O vibe. Fur coat (faux or real): When I put on a fur coat, I instantly feel fabulous. Fur’s glamour has the power to instantly elevate any outfit. I have a real one and a faux one, both so warm that I can wear them throughout the winter. I also love that since fur coats are timeless, I will be able to wear them forever. Winter coat: I live in Minnesota, where it seems like we wear winter coats six months out of the year. No doubt, people definitely take them seriously. If you live in a cold climate as well, I would invest in a puffer that you love. It will keep you warm on the harshest of days. The two most popular winter coat brands at the moment seem to be Moncler and Canada Goose, both outrageously expensive. Don’t feel pressure to buy a coat like this, as there are plenty of equally stylish ones out there for half the price. A Note on Clothing from Animals

When I say that something is fur, like a fur coat or fur earmuffs, I am implying both real and faux. Real fur or leather is not for everyone. There are lots of moral and personal values that come into play when choosing to wear or purchase a product from an animal. On top of that, real fur and leather is very expensive, and not exactly friendly to a teen budget. However, there are great alternatives. The first is to wear faux fur/leather. Most of my fur and leather products are human-made, and they are just as soft and beautiful as my real fur products. If you don’t mind wearing fur/leather, but don’t want to spend thousands of dollars, try going to a thrift store or consignment shop. I got my first real fur coat from an amazing consignment shop that donated all of their proceeds to breast cancer research—not only did I acquire a chic beaver coat, but the money spent went to a great cause. Outerwear Accessories Umbrella: When it rains, always be prepared and proud to pop out your umbrella. Find one that is small enough to fit in a bag or backpack so that you will always have it with you. Leather gloves: If you live in a cold climate, gloves are essential. Wearing leather gloves will not only keep your fingers warm, but add a stylish touch. Fur scarf: Again, if you live in a cold climate, a fur scarf is a great idea. Not only is it extremely fashionable, but it is significantly warmer than a wool or cashmere scarf—both cuddly and cute. Fur earmuffs: Why mess up your hair with a hat when you can just put on earmuffs instead? If you want to make sure your ears are toasty warm, make sure you get fur ones. They will elevate your outfit and keep your ears from getting hypothermia. Floppy hat: Whether it’s made of wool for fall or straw for summer, a floppy hat is a fun way to add a little character. A straw one is perfect for days on the beach, and can also protect your face and neck from the sun. Loungewear Athletic wear has taken over fashion, one pair of Lululemon yoga pants at a time. This unfortunate trend means it’s becoming acceptable to wear workout clothes every day. I believe that this has got to end. There is a time and a place

for athletic wear: working out and at home. I’ll it it, I slip into a pair of yoga pants and a sweater once I get home from school and start my homework, but I don’t wear them anywhere else. Of course, I wasn’t always this strict about loungewear. At the beginning of high school, I got into the bad habit of wearing yoga pants on casual weekend outings. I put an end to it earlier this year. Truth be told, something that tight really isn’t appropriate to wear in a public setting—I don’t even wear them while traveling anymore. When going out for a casual event, I’m much more confident in jeans and a white button-up or a sweater. This looks both polished and simple, and feels comfortable for both the body and the soul. This same mentality also applies for the days when you don’t feel like “dres” for school. When I was a freshman and experimenting with my style, I often felt like there were days where I just wanted to wear something comfortable. I was always excited for final exam week because those were the only days I would allow myself to wear yoga pants to school. This feeling changed somewhere around my sophomore year, when I started to realize that I got great pleasure out of dres for school. Sleepwear Being elegant means being stylish in all aspects of your life. It’s fun to be proud of your pajamas. Your personal style should be reflected 24/7, especially when you sleep—you should go to bed and wake up feeling fabulous. Though only my parents and friends see them, my pajamas are almost as fashionable as my everyday clothes. I’ve always loved sleepwear, but I really got into it in sixth grade when I purchased my first pair of pink-striped silk pajamas from Victoria’s Secret. Since then, I’ve worn button-downs almost every night (except during the summer). If you are feeling insecure about your pajamas, start with button-downs. They are just as comfortable as they are stylish, and you may even get a few compliments at sleepovers. Handbags Handbags are my absolute favorite accessory, since having a big hunk of leather on my arm makes me feel so much more confident. A handbag is one piece that I suggest you invest your money in because it is something that you can have forever. I would start with a top-handle-ish bag, like a Louis Vuitton Speedy or a

Prada Galleria bag. These are great starter bags because they never go out of style, and can fit everything you need without being too big. If you are looking for something a bit bigger that you can hang on your shoulder, I recommend finding a tote bag as well. My absolute favorite is the Goyard St. Louis PM. Unlike the GM (which is the bigger one), the PM isn’t too bulky and big, yet can hold all of the essentials I need for a day out. Another great tote bag is the YSL Shopping Bag, which is a bit more discreet. The last type of bag I would recommend investing in for your starter collection is a small clutch bag, which is perfect for when you only need to carry a few things with you. I have the Louis Vuitton Pochette Accessories. I love it because you can style it three different ways—with the strap as a little bag, as a wristlet, and without the handle as a clutch. Another bag like this that I would recommend is the Chanel WOC (Wallet on Chain). However, this one is a bit more pricey. Designer Brands I love, love, love designer goods. Brands like Chanel and Louis Vuitton made me fall in love with fashion. However, it is important to that designer goods do not define who you are, nor should they define your personal style. Though “logomania” has been popular as of late, beware of this tacky trend. This isn’t to say that logos are bad (after all, I own a few items adorned with logos), but that you should be buying a product because you value the quality and style, not its flashiness. I’m fond of the phrase “money speaks, wealth whispers.” Always this when shopping for designer items: the more discreet you are, the better. If you decide to splurge on a designer item, make sure it is something that is timeless and classic. It should be a staple item that you can imagine having in your wardrobe forever. My collection isn’t huge, but it’s filled with pieces that I can imagine wearing for the rest of my life, and even down to my children (even children who I will not have for a very, very long time). Over the years, my taste has gone from “more is more” to “less is more.” In fifth and sixth grade, I thought I needed to be covered in logos from head-to-toe. I hadn’t learned that truly elegant people don’t flaunt their labels. My current “less is more” mindset is inspired by women like Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, who was

famous for her outfits’ chic simplicity. You don’t need to wear complex and intricate pieces in order to be fashionable, and most of the time, you don’t need attention-grabbing pieces. Brands that Speak to Me Chanel: Chanel made me fall in love with fashion. No other brand has spoken to me more. I love everything about Chanel: the chains, the tweed, the lambskin accessories, the interlocking c’s. Even as the years have gone by and the styles have changed, the bones of the brand have stayed true to themselves. Chanel is always recognizable not just by the interlocking c’s, but by the well-shaped silhouettes of the suits, the characteristic fabric, and the quality of the items’ construction. Ralph Lauren: Ralph Lauren is the epitome of traditional American style: preppy, sophisticated, and timeless. I was lucky enough to visit the Ralph Lauren flagship store on Madison Avenue a couple of years ago, and I could feel the vision of Lauren’s brand throughout. Everything was so tasteful and well-crafted, down to each bow and belt loop. The Row: The Row, which was founded by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in 2006, is the epitome of effortless and simple dressing. The Row is essentially high-end basics made from incredibly luxurious materials. The pieces are made to stay in your closet and remain in style forever. Valentino: Valentino was a favorite of Jackie Kennedy Onassis, proving that the fashion house is truly timeless. You may recognize Valentino from their patentleather rockstud pumps and feather-adorned cocktail dresses. Each piece exudes character and style, while remaining true to the feminine elements of dressing. Oscar de la Renta: Oscar de la Renta’s gowns are some of the most breathtaking pieces in fashion today. There is something about the brand that exudes elegance and charm—de la Renta’s inspiration feels pulled from the 1950s and 60s, when gowns were at their height. The clothing by Oscar de la Renta is stunning because of its detail and structure, from caftans to blouses. Showing Skin Fashion is all about proportions. When it comes to showing skin, think of it as an

act of balancing. For example, if you wear a pair of shorts, don’t wear a skimpy top. Instead, opt for a long-sleeved shirt or a thick tee shirt. If you wear a coldshoulder top or one that bears lots of shoulder and arms, wear pants. Personally, I’ve always dressed more on the conservative side. By conservative, I mean wearing button-downs with the collar popped and avoiding crop tops like the plague. This isn’t about appeasing sexists, but about earning respect and feeling comfortable. By dressing appropriately, you are respecting the people you are with instead of making them feel uncomfortable by revealing too much of your body. This is not because a revealing look has the ability to tempt men, but because it can be a distraction to everyone. I have the same “respect” philosophy for men’s dressing as well—for all genders, in fact. The other reason that you should dress a bit conservatively is because it is much more comfortable. In ninth grade, I once chose to wear a black corduroy Brandy Melville miniskirt to school. I spent the entire day trying to pull it down, as when I would walk or sit down it would slide up. I was also very self-conscious about accidentally revealing inappropriate parts of my body, which meant that I was more focused on trying to keep my legs crossed than I was on my school work. There is no magic number for where a hem should fall. Rather, it all comes down to how the garment moves and fits around your body. Let’s take my miniskirt, for example. If the skirt had been longer and looser, I would have been able to not only move around comfortably, but also feel at ease knowing it would conceal those certain areas. Brands like Brandy Melville (who mostly only carry one size) cater to a certain body type that doesn’t fit most women. Part of looking elegant is wearing clothing that works with your body. You shouldn’t be squeezing yourself into a miniskirt, but rather into a skirt that looks flattering on your figure. When picking out clothing, it is important to keep your body type in mind. I have a pear-shaped body, which means that my bust is smaller than my hips. Straight-leg tros (or anything with a high waist), blazers, and fit-and-flare dresses look good on me. However, pieces like pencil skirts, baggy tops, or anything tight-fitting looks awful. If you want to find your shape, do some research on body types. Once you know

what shape you have, you can look for items that will flatter your figure.

FASHION MISTAKES Avoid panty lines at all costs. I didn’t know how bad lined underwear looked until I turned around in the mirror one day and gasped. Even in a thicker-material pant like jeans, lined underwear means that panty lines are almost impossible to avoid. Once I started doing yoga, I bought my first unlined pair, and I couldn’t believe the difference. I suggest investing in a set of unlined so you don’t have to worry about hiding your bottom with cardigans and shirts all the time—plus, you will look and feel so much more confident. Make sure your bra and bra strap is never showing. Undergarments should be invisible to everyone—including your bra strap. It doesn’t matter how cute or lacey it is, it’s extremely inappropriate to show. If you are ever in a situation where your strap is poking out, pull the straps down or throw on a sweater. Make sure to read the cleaning instructions on a garment. We all want our clothes to look as new as they can, and the best way to do this is to make sure you are cleaning and caring for them properly. Whether your parents are still doing your wash or you do your own, always check to make sure an item isn’t hand-wash only, or has another specific cleaning instruction. To make sure your clothes last, hang-dry them instead of throwing them into the dryer. That way, the heat won’t destroy or shrink the clothes, and they will fit just as well as they did when you purchased them. Don’t purchase clothing that has rips and tears in it (even if on purpose). This one is hard for me to judge, because I used to wear ripped jeans. However, I started to realize that they made me feel sloppy, not stylish, so I decided to get rid of them all together. If you do really, really like ripped jeans and want that extra edge, make sure the rips aren’t too big or distressed. On another note, if you have clothing that you accidentally tear and can’t fix, just get rid of it. Though you may have really loved that sweater, it no longer has a chic factor if there is a giant hole in the elbow. However, if you know how to sew, then you can easily fix this problem. I do not, unfortunately, but it has

always been my dream to learn—I probably could have saved a few special pieces. Check the weather. When planning your outfits, always check the weather. You don’t want to step on in freezing weather wearing a t-shirt and shorts, just as you don’t want to step out in a heat wave in jeans and a sweater. You should also know your own body temperature. For example, I get cold easily, so I always bring a sweater to school and have no problem wearing jeans in the summer. If you get hot easily, I would not recommend doing this. On the other hand, you are probably more comfortable with shorts and skirts in the summer, and maybe even the fall. Another good reason to check the weather is to make sure you avoid ruining a special piece of clothing. For example, if you know that it is going to rain, save those special flats for another day—the damp will trample them. I would also recommend throwing a pair of extra shoes (like flip flops) in your bag or backpack in case there is an unexpected storm. Don’t wear clothing that is wrinkled. If a garment hanging in your closet is wrinkled, don’t wear it! Part of dressing elegantly is looking polished. Therefore, always make sure to iron clothes that need it. I, unfortunately, do not know how to iron, so my parents take pity on me and help me out. My plan for college is to buy a portable steamer. I know it will be a lot more forgiving than an iron—with which you can accidentally burn your favorite shirt. While I just provided a list of fashion mistakes to avoid, I also know that imperfections are bound to happen. Sometimes, sitting down is bound to crease pants. Hair is bound to get stuck to a sweater. It’s okay!

Chapter 4: Beauty

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look beautiful—and a great way to look beautiful is to put on makeup. Everyone looks better with a little bit of makeup; I’ve been wearing it since I was twelve. I know that twelve is a young age to wear makeup, perhaps even bordering on inappropriate. However, makeup has always made me feel good about myself and I really don’t feel put together unless I have it on. I’ve spent years figuring out what looks best on me and how much I want to wear. My face doesn’t have many defining features (such as full brows or prominent cheekbones), and even just a bit of makeup to accentuate them makes me feel beautiful and confident. I’ve found that beauty and fashion go hand-in-hand. You don’t need to put on a full face of makeup to be put together—just a couple of simple steps can make you feel ready to face the day. I’ve had a lot of my friends tell me that the reason they don’t wear makeup is that it takes too long to put on in the morning, which is totally understandable. However, if you leave ten minutes every morning to put on a little bit, your whole aura will be elevated. I assure you that wearing makeup will help you feel put together and improve your overall confidence.

MAKEUP ROUTINE When applying makeup, it’s important to find the techniques and products that look the best on you. What may look good on me may look bad on you, and vice-versa. However, with practice and experimentation, you should be able to find a look that accentuates your best features. Below, I’ve provided my makeup and skincare routine. Feel free to follow it step-by-step, or just take a couple of ideas. Step 1: In order to have great makeup, you must take care of your skin. Like many teenagers, I’ve struggled with acne, and it’s really hard to treat and cover up successfully. After years of different medications and methods, my skin has finally cleared, with the exception of a few little spots. However, if you are still struggling with acne, don’t worry! You’ll just need a few minutes to apply a little extra skincare and beauty products. If you don’t struggle with acne, taking care of your skin should be a bit easier and faster. In the morning, I don’t wash my face, since I don’t wear makeup to bed. Washing your face in the morning is essentially just washing off the skincare you put on before bed, and I prefer to leave it on, especially since I have dry skin. However, I do put on a toner with an exfoliating pad, serum, and moisturizer. Step 2: Next, I apply my makeup. I always wear a primer, since I want to make sure my makeup stays on my face for the whole day. After that, I apply a foundation or BB cream with a makeup sponge. When my skin is tan and clear, I prefer BB cream since it’s much lighter and a little bit darker than a foundation. During months when my skin is pale, however, I wear a medium-coverage foundation. Next, I put concealer under my eyes, on my nose, on my chin, and on any other spots. Sometimes, if I’m really shiny, I’ll put a little bit of powder on my nose, chin, and under my eyes. After that, I put on a little bit of bronzer. I like bronzer because it gives your skin a healthy and sun kissed glow even in the darkest of months, and can also help define the cheeks, forehead, jaw, and nose.

Then, I apply a blush. Blush is one of my absolute favorite products because it really brightens the face and gives it a touch of femininity. After blush, I add a touch of highlighter along my cheeks and forehead, and dab a little under the brow and on the cupid’s bow of the lips. Next, I’ll move on to the eyes. For eyeshadow, I usually just sweep a bit of bronzer or a light brown over the lid and brush a bit under the eyes. Brown eyeshadow has the ability to make eyes appear bigger, so I definitely use that to my advantage. Then, I do mascara. Mascara has the ability to completely lift the face—so much so that I don’t go anywhere without it. You don’t have to wear so much that your lashes are clumped together, but a nice layer always makes a person look more awake. After that, I apply a tinted gel to my brows. Unless my eyebrows have been recently waxed, I avoid a brow stick or pencil because there is too much to fill in, and I risk having brows that look like they were drawn by a crayon. When in doubt, just use a gel, since it’s better to have them sparse than looking unnatural. Next, I move on to the lips. Since my lips are always dry, I wear a tinted lip balm or moisturizing lipstick in the morning. If you want your lips to appear fuller, you can also apply a bit of lip liner (in a natural shade). Finally, I apply a light setting spray to make sure my look stays fresh throughout the day. In the evening, I always take off my makeup and wash my face with a cleanser. After that, I use an exfoliating scrub (every other day). Then, I apply the same toner I used in the morning with an exfoliating cotton pad. After that, I apply a serum. Finally, I will moisturize once more. Here it is in a simpler form for quick reference. Morning Skincare Toner Serum

Moisturizer Makeup Primer Foundation or BB cream Concealer Light powder if needed Bronzer Blush Highlighter Eyeshadow Brow gel Tinted lip balm Setting spray Evening Skincare Exfoliating scrub (every other day) Toner Serum Moisturizer

HAIR For hair, avoid bright dyes—elegance pairs best with a more natural look. I have brown hair, but I lighten it up with highlights once or twice a year. I suggest that you avoid dyeing your hair too dark or too light compared to what color your hair naturally is. Even if you’re making a change, you still want to look like yourself. When it comes to styling my hair, I’m not exactly a pro. I’ve had really long hair, really short hair, and hair that is somewhere in between. I’ve never been one to curl or straighten my hair, as I can never find enough time in the morning and I don’t like to use a lot of heating products (as they can damage the hair over time). I like to keep it simple. Since I shower in the evening, I tie my hair into a low, loose bun and sleep with it in. In the morning, I take it out and brush it through, so it is nice and fluffy. If it ever looks flat, I just spray in a bit of dry shampoo. It’s a no-fuss routine, which is what I would recommend. NAILS When it comes to nails, less is more. While long, colorful acrylic nails are trending at the moment, a natural nail with a light gloss or pink polish is much more sophisticated. My favorite nail “gloss” is from OPI. It’s fast drying, so you don’t have to stand in front of a fan for two hours, and it makes nails look amazing. If you know how to paint nails and have the patience to wait for them to dry, that's great! I really envy you. However, just that no polish is better than chipped polish, so when it starts to flake, just take it off. PEFUME My first bottle of perfume was Chanel No 5. I was obsessed with it for years before I finally got my first bottle for my thirteenth birthday. I loved how iconic and lady-like it was. I decided from then on that it would be my “signature scent.” However, wearing a heavy, powdery perfume every single day can be a bit much. A couple of years later, when I was at a small perfume shop, the saleslady told me that instead of having one scent, I should have many. From that day on, I have started to slowly but surely build up my collection of

fragrances. I have a handful that I use to match with different moods and outfits. When it comes to wearing perfume, be mindful of how much you wear. Trust me, I’ve been the girl wearing Chanel No 5 that you can smell a mile away, and nobody wants that. To avoid an instance like this, instead of spraying perfume all over your body and clothes, spray it on two pulse points. I usually spray a little of my left wrist and on the nape of my neck. Oh, and a tip about putting perfume on the wrists: don’t rub them together, as this will dull the top notes. Just let the perfume dry, and you’ll be set!

HYGIENE Hygiene is key to being comfortable, and making the people around you feel comfortable. You can’t feel put together unless you are clean and fresh. Therefore, always make sure your hygiene is in check. Below are some hygiene tips. Always make sure your hair is brushed and is not greasy —To me, hair is an essential part of my look. Since I have longer hair, it frames my face. However, if I go even one day without showering, my hair looks like it was dipped in a grease fryer. Since hair can often make or break a look, make sure it is always in the best form it can be. If you have fine hair like me, brush it every day so that it doesn't look tangled and messy. If for any reason you are not able to wash or brush your hair, pull it back into a low, sleek ponytail so that it isn’t ruining your confidence all day. Shave—This is sort of a sensitive subject for many, as it conflicts with women’s empowerment, but I know that I feel much more polished and feminine if I shave my body hair. I don’t shave it every day—just when I know that that part of my body will be exposed. For example, if you are going to wear a sleeveless dress, shave your legs and armpits first. Make sure your breath is good—Always carry mints and gum in your bag just in case. You want to be ed for your charms, not your exhalations.

BEAUTY IN THE MEDIA Now that I’ve informed you about my beauty routine, I feel I should discuss beauty in the media. More than any other generation before, we are deluged with photos, often hundreds a day. Many of these photos are of influencers and models—people who can spark envy in even the most confident woman. Comparing yourself to other women in the media is a nagging habit. I too feel insecure from time to time: there are some parts of myself that I would just love to Photoshop away. For example, I’ve disliked my nose for as long as I can . I know I’m way too young to be even thinking about plastic surgery, but it’s a thought that crosses my mind often. In the grand scheme of life, I am extremely lucky that my biggest problem or issue I have with my body is cosmetic. However, it’s something that I’ve been thinking about for years, and I know I’m not the only teenager to consider it. Social media has distorted the way we look at beauty. It’s hard to look at images with a critical eye, especially when you start to compare yourself to influencers who tweak themselves with photoshop and glam squads. Therefore, start to look at these photos with caution. When I see the constantly contoured and perfected noses and cheekbones of social media, I know that most of them were probably achieved through surgery or heavy contouring. This will start to make you feel better and realize that you can’t compare yourself to these women—you most likely have not had as much work done. However, what about the jaw-dropping women playing “teenagers” that we see on TV? Surely you can’t photoshop a show, so why are they so much prettier than I am? Women who play teenagers on TV and in movies are often well into their twenties. Their bodies are developed and their faces are much more defined. Still, when we watch a teen drama, it’s hard not to say, “She’s supposed to be 16, why don’t I look like her?” The worst example of this I can think of is Gossip Girl. Leighton Meester played Blair Waldorf, who is supposed to be sixteen during the first season. Meester was actually twenty-one. Your appearance and body shape change greatly between those four years, and it’s always important to keep this in mind when watching a show like this. I most definitely didn’t look like Blair when I was

sixteen, but that’s okay, because she was played by an adult woman. Your looks will change rapidly during your tweens and teens. The other day, I was looking at some pictures that were taken of me right before I started my sophomore year. I couldn't believe how different I looked. Though only two years have ed, my face and body have changed a lot. Your looks will start to become more stable once you reach your twenties, which is one of the reasons why most TV teens are played by twenty somethings It’s also due to a lot of legal issues, such as the fact that there needs to be a guardian on set if you are under the age of eighteen, and that you can only work a certain number of hours a day if you are underage. Even though it is very hard, you shouldn't have to worry about looking like the women on TV or Instagram. Sure, many of them are beautiful, but even they had their awkward, acne-ridden stages.

Chapter 5: Decorating

Aside from fashion , decorating is another one of my ions. I’ve spent hours and hours scrolling through Pinterest looking at Parisian interiors and Gracie wallpaper. To me, good home decor says everything about your personal taste. I also love to be surrounded by beautiful, dazzling things. I’m going to assume that you aren’t living on your own yet, so instead of begging your parents to let you redecorate your house, start with your bedroom. When it comes to decorating your bedroom, make sure your values and taste are reflected throughout. However, be sure that you start with a few “anchor” pieces. Anchor pieces are pieces that you know you will love forever. In my room, my anchor pieces are two white and glass lamps, as well as an intricate mirror that I got in sixth grade. I absolutely adore these pieces, and I can even see them living in an apartment of mine someday. Throughout the years, though, I have changed things up from time to time. For example, I’ve switched out a couple of blankets and throw pillows, and added some art as well. All in all, my room is my sanctuary after a long day at school and a stressful night of homework. Though it’s not always clean and organized, the decor reflects my taste and personality. Your room should be a place that you are proud of and can feel comfortable in. If you want to have an “elegant” bedroom, start by taking out all of the stuff that looks like it was meant for a child. You don’t have to throw this stuff away, just put it in a different place so you can start with a clean slate. Then, start with a base. I have white nightstand, white bedding, and white lamps: I find that white looks fresh and bright. In sixth grade, my parents finally let me get a full bed, as I felt that I had outgrown a twin. When I went to pick out my sheets and duvet, I went with white. I knew that no matter how much my tastes would change, a white bed set would always be fresh and classic. Don’t be intimidated to use the color white for linens and bedding. I have had mine for over five years now, and it’s almost just as clean as when I got it. (Keep in mind, I also snack constantly in my bed. So, if I can keep white clean, so can you!) Another great thing about white bedding is that you can easily trade out throw pillows as your style changes. I’ve had about four sets of throw pillows in the past five years, and I haven't had to alter my bedding at all.

This is also how you can add touches of your personality, such as pillows, pieces of art, knick-knacks, and books. When it comes to knick-knacks (random, personal touches such as candles, pictures, and other odd pieces of decor), my taste veers on just a little-too-much. What I’m trying to say is that I really like stuff, and I think in of interiors, I’m a proud maximalist. If you’re a minimalist—that’s amazing! I wish that I was better about getting rid of clutter, but I am who I am. When pursuing a minimalist style, just make sure that your personal taste does not get lost in the process. Add a vase of flowers or a special candle to help your personality shine through. On the other hand, if you're a maximalist, make sure that you don’t just buy stuff to buy stuff. Buy things with care and intention, things that you will want for a long time. When I buy pieces, I imagine them in my future abode. For example, the other day, I bought these incredible picture frames and fashion illustrations at a darling little shop near my house. When my mom and I picked them out, I envisioned them not just hanging in my room, but in my dorm room next year and a future apartment. The frames and illustrations are so timeless and classic that I know I will love them for the rest of my life. Another fun object to decorate with is coffee table books. I now consider myself a coffee table book collector, as I’ve acquired more of them over the last couple of years. Coffee table books are not only filled with great photography and writing, but serve as great decorations. And, like everything that I buy, I can imagine them in my New York apartment thirty years from now. Coffee table books are also a great way to add color to a room. I suggest buying some in your favorite hues, and they will add so much character and vibrancy.

Chapter 6: School

School is without a doubt the most all-consuming part of being a teenager. It’s where we spend most of our time and energy, and where most of our social life happens. If you're like me, school is really, really important and therefore stressful. It’s important to stay focused and take care of yourself so that you can be the best student possible. In order to do this, I will provide you with some tips for both inside and outside the classroom.

INSIDE THE CLASSROOM Work hard. My best advice to you is to give every single assignment and test your all. Your teachers will notice this, and you will also be able to take pride in everything you do. Focus. As someone who has ADD, this one is sometimes hard, but you have to try to do it. Don’t let the other little things in life distract you. Right now, school is the most important thing in your life, and you can’t risk losing focus in order to concentrate on something else. Ask for help. This was something that I struggled with at the beginning of middle school, and it greatly affected how I learned and performed as a student. Asking questions is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of engagement. Seeking clarification will help you tremendously in the long run! Don’t be afraid to raise your hand. Treat your teachers and your classmates with respect. Be the kind of student who greets your teachers with a warm smile. They are used to dealing with bratty kids all day, so being nice will distinguish you from the rest. Being respectful will also help you form good relationships with your teachers. You will not necessarily become “friends” with them, but you will learn that they will be more open with you about their lives and ask you more questions—and also tell you funny stories! Late nights are bound to happen. When I look back on my time in high school, the thing that I will the most is all of the late nights spent doing homework in my office until one in the morning. I take a really long time to do my homework, and it’s perfectly ok if you do too! I’d rather stay up all night and do good work than sloppily complete an assignment and go to bed by ten. Don’t talk about grades. There is nothing worse than getting a mediocre grade back on a test, and then glancing across the room to see someone beaming and smiling, as if to make sure the whole class knows that they did well. When your teacher hands back a test, and you happen to get a good grade, don’t make a show of it. Keep it to yourself. The only exception to this rule is with your best friends and your family (in privacy). If someone

comes up to you and asks how you did, just say, “I did how I wanted to do,” regardless of your score. One of the hardest parts about school, especially one that is extremely competitive, is the constant talk about grades. Over the years, I’ve learned to tune out the noise, but it can still be extremely irritating. Arrive to class on time (or better yet, early). I always arrive to a class as soon as I can. It’s nice to just sit there for three or four minutes and get all of my supplies out, then take a breather. It’s also good to catch up with friends or the teacher, which helps me feel more settled. Do not talk while the teacher is talking. You wouldn't want someone doing that to you, so why would you do that to a teacher? There have been countless times when I’ve been in a class and students keep talking over a teacher. This especially happens with female teachers, which is a topic for a whole other book. I find it highly disrespectful. Wait to talk to your friend until the teacher is done speaking. If you have a truly dire question, jot it down in your notebook so you to ask your friend at a more appropriate time. Do not use your phone in class (even before it has started). There is nothing more disrespectful than texting, scrolling through social media, and Snapchatting during class. When you use your phone when the teacher is talking, it is basically telling them that your time is more valuable than theirs, and whatever they are saying isn’t important to you. Even if you don’t think they’ve noticed, they certainly have. Do not interrupt people while they are speaking. If you go to a school that has discussion-based classes, you are more than likely to have had an instance when you and another student started talking at the same time. If this happens, instead of bulldozing through and continuing to speak, stop, and let the other person go ahead. You can talk once they have finished, if your point is still relevant. However, if incidents like these happen repeatedly, talk to your teacher about it: patience is important until it starts to interfere with your grades. At times, you will have to stand up for yourself or ask for help if you keep getting cut off or bulldozed by other students. Your point is just as valuable as anyone else's, and you can still achieve this same respect while maintaining your poise.

Make sure you know how to send a polite email. Something that I feel like I do hundreds of times a week is send and respond to emails. Email etiquette is extremely important, as it is a virtual representation of yourself. When sending an email to a teacher or another student, make sure to be as polite as possible. In order to do this, use proper grammar and punctuation. However, what you define as “proper” punctuation may be different than someone else's. Since you can’t hear someone’s voice over email, I like to use exclamation points. Instead of using them every sentence, try to alternate them so they don’t make you look overly-eager. Here is an example email: Hi [Name here], I hope you are doing well! I just wanted to let you know that... Thanks! Jenna If someone doesn’t write an email that is as cheerful as yours is, don’t automatically assume that they are rude. Everyone uses punctuation differently, and it is usually no reflection of their kindness.

NEXT, I THOUGHT THAT I would share some of the advice I’ve learned during each year of high school. Each grade is extremely different, with new social and academic dynamics. Freshman Advice: Freshman year was one of the scariest of my life. I’ll never forget walking through the doors on the first day and having to push through a crowd of seniors. It is probably my most memorable moment of being a freshman, and it sort of set the tone for the year. The hardest thing socially about being a freshman was that I always felt like all eyes were on me. Walking down the hallways always felt intimidating, and I especially hated walking past the upperclassmen. As an upperclassman now, I can assure you that no one is watching. I wish someone would have told me this back then: everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to care what you are doing. When you’re a freshman, you’re not only having to adjust to a new social structure, but a new school structure as well. All of a sudden, everything matters, and there is a new level of responsibility. This can be hard to cope with, but take it one assignment at a time. Eventually, you will figure everything out. Be patient - it will probably take at least a semester to feel completely settled, and another before you are satisfied with your work. Sophomore Advice: There is a big relief that comes with being a sophomore, which is that you are no longer at the bottom of the totem pole. I actually enjoyed this year because it felt like all of the attention from ninth grade was no longer there. I felt much more comfortable walking the halls and going to ask teachers for help. Though being a sophomore is nice, you’re in this awkward place before you really start the college process. My advice is to enjoy this while it lasts, but also make sure to push your grades up, especially if you struggled as a freshman. Colleges want to see improvement from the year before, and sophomore year is the perfect time to make those adjustments.

Junior Advice: Junior year is a notoriously stressful year for all high school students. It’s the year most of us take the ACT or SAT and start to look at colleges seriously. There is also a new level of challenge at school, as most classes increase in difficulty, especially now that you are an upperclassman. However, this is also one of the best parts. Being a junior means that you start to get treated with more respect, both from teachers and other students. Having made it halfway through high school, you’ve learned a lot and have probably changed a lot as well. Make sure to leave time for yourself just to chill, because it can get really overwhelming. Just how much you have completed so far, and all the successes that you have achieved. Once you get through junior year, you’ve gotten through most of the hard parts, and really only have one more tough semester left. Senior Advice: I haven’t started my senior year yet, but from what I can anticipate, here’s what I have to say: one of the things I always hated as an underclassman was the cockiness that most of the seniors seemed to possess. Sure, you’ve worked your way up the totem pole for the last three years and are now in the “throne.” However, this doesn't give you an excuse to treat juniors and underclassmen poorly. One thing that I always hated as a freshman was the constant feeling of “hazing.” Treat younger students how you would want to be treated. Don’t be the jerk who says nasty things to freshmen to make themselves feel better. This is your year to be a leader and set an example for the rest of the school, so make sure you leave an incredible impression. The biggest part about senior year is the college process. By now, you are most likely in the thick of it—taking the ACT/SAT one last time, working on your college essay, and starting the Common App. This is a highly stressful and emotional time for everyone, so make sure that you keep that in mind. I can only imagine all of the emotions and drama that will come when college acceptance/rejection letters come in. If you do get into the college that you wanted to, congratulations! Just make sure that you don’t brag or show off. As I said before, this is an emotional time, and

everyone won’t have the same joy that you have. Therefore, be sensitive and keep it on the down-low. Of course, tell your family and friends, but you don’t need to tell the whole school. One trick for relieving social pressure about college is to play coy about where you are applying, especially to your friendly acquaintances. For example, if you decide to apply early-decision somewhere, don’t tell anyone you're not close to. Then, if you don’t get in, you don’t have to tell everyone with heartbreak, misery, and a little embarrassment that the college didn’t accept you. Besides the college drama, this is your last year in high school. Even if you are not too fond of your classmates, appreciate the time you have left with them. Next year, you will be with a whole new group of people, so enjoy the comfort of the old while it lasts. Overall Advice: A grade dean once told my class that high school is like a wave. You have highs and lows, and you have to learn how to ride each one. Don’t get discouraged if you have a bad day, or even a bad week. Just stay the course, and if you try your hardest, everything will turn out fine.

DANCES Dances are one of the most over-hyped parts of high school, but they can be fun nonetheless. Your school most likely has three dances a year—Homecoming, Sadies, and prom. When I was a freshman, Homecoming was the biggest deal of the first quarter. There was so much drama about who was going on a date with whom and who was wearing what that it became a very nerve-wracking event. As someone who doesn’t really have any male friends, I wasn’t too surprised when I wasn’t asked to Homecoming. I’m also not really one for cheesy signs or big romantic gestures, so it all worked out for me in the end. However, that’s not to say that I didn’t feel a little sad when most of my friends got asked out, and I seemed to be the only one who was going stag. If you’re ever in this position, don’t let yourself feel down! Instead of going with a date, go with a friend instead. I had so much fun at my freshman Homecoming with my best friend. We had the best time getting ready, going out to dinner, and dancing. I don’t think I would have had nearly as much fun if I went with a date. If you are anything like me, you’re most likely an acquired taste. Instead of worrying about a date, I now just focus on the dress. I love the chance to get all dolled up, even if you, like me, end up sitting on the bleachers with your friends the whole time. To always feel put-together at school, come prepared! Part of feeling comfortable and confident at school is always having a bag of tricks in case something goes awry. For example, perhaps you are wearing a pair of white jeans and you accidentally spill something on them. Instead of being embarrassed the rest of the day while walking around in dirty clothes, you can simply change into your extra pair of pants and glide through your day.

BACKPACK ESSENTIALS Band-Aids: Say you get a small cut during the day and don’t want to run all the way down to the nurse’s office with a bloody finger. All you have to do is pull one out of your backpack, and fix it right up. Your teachers will also greatly appreciate this, as they won’t have to stop class to dig through drawers to bandage your little injury. Lens wipes: If you wear glasses like I do, always make sure you have lens wipes. I have found that these are much better than Kleenex; they can actually wipe the lenses off instead of just smearing them. Concealer: Imagine this: you are sitting in English class, and you start to feel a bit of pressure on your chin. You brush your finger over it, and you realize that a zit is starting to form. Instead of having a bright red bump the rest of the day, you run to the restroom and quickly cover it with a bit of concealer. Problem solved! Now you can go back to feeling confident. Makeup remover wipes: These are especially important if you wear mascara, as it can sometimes droop under the eyes throughout the day. To avoid looking like a racoon, put a pack of makeup remover wipes in your backpack to instantly touch up your look! Lip gloss: Lip gloss is great when you need a touch of fabulous in your day. The right gloss can add an extra spring in your step, and make you feel much more confident. Toss your favorite in your bag and apply it whenever you need a little pick-me-up. My favorites are the Chanel Rouge Coco Gloss, Lucie + Pompette Lip Batter, and Lipstick Queen Reign and Shine Lip Gloss. Lip balm: I have very dry lips, and for some reason, they tend to get even dryer at school. In order to avoid chapped lips, I always carry a lip balm. My favorites are the Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment and the L’Occitane Shea Butter Lip Balm. Mirror and powder compact: I always carry this old Chanel compact and powder that I got back in sixth grade. I may need to get a new one soon, since it’s most likely expired, but nonetheless, I don’t go anywhere without

it. Like concealer, this helps to cover any unflattering flaws or spots. Powder is also great to matte out oily skin. If you ever notice that your forehead or nose is shiny during the day, just go to the bathroom and pull out your compact, apply a bit of powder, and voila, you will no longer look oily! Hair brush: This is especially important if you tend to leave the house in a rush. I, ittedly inelegantly, brush my hair in the car once I’m parked at school. If I ever forget to brush it out, I just pull out a little brush and quickly touch up, and never have to spend the day walking around with tangled hair. Deodorant: Again, this one is important if you tend to leave in a rush. We’ve all known since puberty hit that deodorant is essential for basic hygiene. However, if there is ever the rare chance that you forget to use it before you leave the house, keep an extra deodorant in your backpack just in case. That way, you won’t have to worry about stains in that new blouse or accidentally smelling horrible. Hair ties: I usually tie my hair up when taking a test, as it can get irritating to constantly push it back while trying to concentrate. Also, there is always going to be a friend who forgot one, so carry some extras for your girlfriends. Nail file: Breaking your nail during school is one of the worst feelings— especially if you break it in the morning, and then have to stare at the uneven nail for the rest of the day. To avoid this, and also to avoid catching your nail on your clothing, keep a nail file in your backpack. Unlike a clipper, you won’t have to worry about nail clippings. You can quickly get your desired shape back, and focus on school, not a broken nail. Small wallet: Carry cash/card and an ID with you in case of an emergency. It’s always good to come prepared in case you need to buy a snack or bottle of water from the vending machine. Tide stick: In case you happen to find a stain on your clothing, a Tide stick works great to quickly and easily get it out. I once used one to remove marinara sauce from a brand new white Tory Burch sweater on a class trip to Washington D.C., and it worked like a charm, even though I couldn’t run it through the wash right away.

Lotion: I can’t live without lotion because dry hands are my worst enemy. There is nothing more uncomfortable than having cracked and chapped hands. I do put lotion on a little obsessively at school, especially during the winter, but I always have soft and moisturized hands. When finding a lotion for your backpack, make sure that you get one that is unscented. I love heavy-perfumed lotions, but many people are very sensitive to such scents. My personal favorite is the yellow Vaseline lotion. You can get it at any drugstore, and it’s the perfect size for your backpack.

Chapter 7: Social Media

Social media is perhaps the biggest nuisance of our generation. It consumes hours and hours of our lives, which can lead it to be a major distraction. In a world where where we are, who we are with, and what we are doing is essential to keeping up appearances, it’s important to recognize the challenges that come with this. I’ll be the first to it that I haven’t exactly mastered social media, which I do feel bad about from time to time. Currently, I only have one photo on Instagram, posted over a year ago when I spent a month in New York City. Truth be told, during the school year, I’m not out and about doing fun and fabulous things. I’m at home studying, and when I do go out with friends, taking photos usually isn’t top of my mind. If your life is anything like this, you probably feel the same sense of social media inadequacy. If your life is not representative of the “dream life” every other person on Instagram seems to have, then why bother posting in the first place? This is a question that I have yet to find the answer to. However, in a world where our personal “brand” is getting more and more important, I’m going to need to face my fear of posting eventually. If you have “postophobia” like me, don’t worry! Your profile does not measure the quality of your life. While I don’t like to post, I do like to scroll. I look at Instagram for about thirty minutes a day—fifteen when I get home from school and fifteen during my break. It does provide a nice mental distraction, but it’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. There have been plenty of times when I’ve byed my thirty-minute limit and spent hours looking at snaps of people on their perfect vacations in bikinis, wondering if I’ll ever have a body or a vacation like that. It’s important to that people are often only posting pictures of their best moments, not their worst. So, don’t worry if you aren’t jet setting or sunbathing 24/7. Your job right now is to work hard and focus on yourself, not spend hours photoshopping your body. With that, I’ve come up with some rules and guidelines to help you navigate social media so that you can be your most elegant self online. Here are some basic social media rules:

Don’t be constantly on your phone. Don’t be that one person who is constantly on their phone during social situations. It’s incredibly rude and disrespectful. Using your phone makes you seem distant and unavailable, when you should be alert and reachable. Where you are in the present is much more important than what’s on your phone, so always make sure to put it away when other people are in the room with you. Don’t post photos that you would not want your parents to see. This is a major rule of thumb that I always follow. While your parents might not see photos, they could one day be found by a potential employer. Also, posting inappropriate or provocative photos online just makes you look bad. Would Audrey Hepburn have posted pictures of herself in lingerie for all of the world to see? She wouldn’t have done it, so you shouldn't either. Don’t curse on social media. Unlike swearing in person, swearing on social media is permanent. Also, you have no idea what age your viewers are, so always make sure to censor yourself. Don’t let it take over your life. This one is a hard one, because social media is everywhere. It is so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Focus on your own life instead. This also includes not pulling out your phone all the time to take Snapchat stories and Instagram posts. Live in the moment. Don’t use it as a place to show off. No one wants to see what car you got for your sweet sixteen or your new watch. : money speaks, wealth whispers. Showing off can also make you look insecure. Flaunting all of your luxury goods online makes a lot of people feel bad about themselves if they are unable to have access to these items. If you are on the receiving end of these photos and feel a surge of jealousy coming on, the best thing to do is to be thankful and count your blessings—then tacitly unfollow. Don’t reveal everything about your life. When posting on social media, it’s important to maintain an “air of mystery.” Don’t post every second of your life. No one needs to see what you had for dinner or what kind of workout you did at the gym. Keep things to yourself, and don’t share too much. You want your online self to be a sneak peek into the real you, not the documentary.

Don’t flaunt your body. Impress people with your mind, not your body. In a world where people, especially young women, are constantly comparing themselves to endless photos of celebrities and influencers in bikinis, don’t add more to the pile. It’s great that you’re having fun at the beach with your friends, but you don’t need to make anyone else feel bad about themselves in the process. Don’t feel pressured to post all the time. You don’t need to keep up with anyone except yourself. Don’t feel the need to post after every vacation, party, or night out. Constantly worrying about getting the perfect photo ruins your focus. Something to do to get rid of this pressure is to limit your social media time to 30 minutes a day; f you spend countless and countless hours on social media, it will take a serious toll on your life. A little bit a day is good for a little escape and update, but don’t let it consume you.

Chapter 8: Alcohol and Drugs

This is not a very elegant topic, but it needs to be addressed. It seems to be an essential part of teenage life, both on TV and in person. Drug use is obviously very, very bad, and I’ve chosen to refrain from it. Part of it comes from being a slight hypochondriac, but I’ve always felt that having fun and fitting in shouldn’t mean harming your body. Living elegantly means having self-control, as well as the courage and confidence to stand up for yourself. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are offered drugs or alcohol, politely decline and change the subject, and try to distance yourself from those people thereafter. If politely declining isn’t the road you take, it’s important to that you can’t afford to be careless. You are only given one body, and you need to treat it kindly. What you do to it now will affect you for the rest of your life, so keep that in mind. That being said, not everyone understands this, and you need to be aware that bad behavior is happening all the time. During my freshman year, I had a study hall on Monday morning where my classmates would discuss the weekend’s drama and activities. Too often, while trying to finish my Algebra homework, would I hear about drunken incidents and regretful hookups. These stories have somewhat plagued the aura of my school. It’s so sad that so much focus is on partying, but then again, that’s the expectation that the media has set for us—an expectation which is certainly not promoting us to be the best version of ourselves. Just because it seems like “everybody” does it does not mean that you should partake too. I’m no doctor, but I’m aware of the effect it has on your development—and you should be as well. I don’t know about you, but I do not want any brain damage. Aside from drinking and drug use, juuling is another unfortunate trend that I feel the need to address. That stupid little vape has showed up in more Instagram and VSCO pictures than anything else I have ever seen. By now it’s common knowledge that juuling is highly addictive, and does harm to the lungs as well. This time in your life shouldn’t be spent worrying about the consequences of addiction. Also, it’s not very classy to pull it out and use it in public, and will make you look undignified. Something that I find very fascinating is that drug use (including vaping) is no

longer subjected to house parties—it’s now happening at school as well. As my mom always says, high school can be like the wild west. People are vaping in the bathrooms and doing other things that no one should ever do in an academic institution. This type of behavior is disgraceful and disgusting. It’s also rude and disrespectful to other students and teachers. All in all, my philosophy is to remove all the stressors that you can from your life. You shouldn't be worried about the effects of vaping on your lungs or a hangover at school. Your focus should be on trying to prop yourself up for success.

Chapter 9: Parents

Having a good relationship with your parents is key to getting through the teenage years smoothly. This is not to say that I don’t have disagreements or arguments with my parents at times, but I’ve found that respecting your parents and simply being kind to them is key to having a good relationship with them. I’m lucky enough to live in a house where I can talk to my parents about almost everything. Honesty and transparency are key; if you create a sense of trust with them, whenever anything goes wrong, they’ll be confident that you are doing the absolute best you can do. When I am home, I talk to my parents throughout the day and at dinner. When I am at school, I always make sure to check in with them when I get home and during the evening. If I want to talk about something important, I find a good time to just sit down with them, perhaps at dinner or elsewhere. Dinner is always a good time to talk, though if, like me, you don’t always eat with your parents, try talking to them when you both have a gap of free time. Your relationship with your parents shouldn't be one-sided. It shouldn't just be them asking how your day went; you should ask that of them as well. Be interested in their lives like they are interested in yours. Parents need , just like we do. Sometimes they need someone to vent to or hug. Treat them like they treat you. This isn’t to say that I don’t argue with my parents from time to time. When a parent gets upset, my best advice is to try to defuse the situation. There have been plenty of times when my mom has gotten mad at me and I’ve wanted to scream at her. However, I know that if I would have done that, it would have made the situation a thousand times worse. Therefore, I recommend taking the heat, calmly stating how you feel, and then apologizing for upsetting them. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to have arguments and grudges looming, so I like to clear everything up as quickly as possible. If you have a bit of a trouble-streak, try to break it. The last thing you need on your plate is a shaky relationship with your caretakers, so try your best to live by their rules. Don’t sneak out in the middle of the night, steal a drink from their liquor cabinet, or be constantly snotty to them. When they ask how your day went, don’t just

say “fine,” roll your eyes, and slam your bedroom door. Tell them how your math test or club meeting went, because they really do want to know. If you don’t have a good relationship with your parents or don’t feel as if you can talk to them, try to find a mentor outside the home. Good role models could be a teacher, a counselor, the parents of a friend, an older sibling—anyone whom you trust and who you know has good judgment. Even if you like your parents, it’s always good to have other adults in your life that you can ask if you need a second opinion. Even though it may be hard to it, many of us teenagers are a lot like our parents. All of us have picked up behaviors and actions that mimic those of the ones who have raised us. Some of these traits are good, some not so much. If a teen has parents who like to party, they will most likely enjoy partying as well. If a teen has parents who promote good manners and behavior and are kind to other people, the teen is more likely to act that way. It’s important to recognize these behaviors, and try to correct them if they aren’t serving us. It can help to that your parents were once teenagers too (even if that was decades ago). They know what it’s like to be a teen and to make mistakes, so deep down, they have empathy for what you are going through. They are not just disciplinarians, but people who love and care for you. At the end of the day, most of our parents really just want us to be the best person we can be. Even if your relationship is a little rocky with them now, it probably won’t be that way forever. As teenagers grow older, their relationship with their parents tends to improve. Know that there is always room to grow closer, even if you don’t see it now. They make mistakes, we make mistakes, but as long as you talk to them and appreciate them, everything will be okay.

Chapter 10: Friends

To say that high school is cliquey would be the biggest understatement of the year. Oftentimes, it feels like these groups are full of people who are magnetized towards each other, and if you don’t fit into one of them, you are oftentimes left feeling like a misfit. I know the feeling well. I’m not athletic, I’m not theatrical, I’m not musical, and I’m not artistic, so I’ve always kind of fallen into my own category. However, over the years, I’ve learned that it’s okay not to fit in. I’ve found that when you’re making friends, interests are not nearly as important as shared values. For example, if you really care about school, make sure your friends really care about school too. These types of friends will also be the ones that won’t pressure you to make bad decisions and go against your morals. I’ve had my ups and downs with people, but over time, I’ve managed to find a small group of friends that I really like and appreciate. It was hard to find them at first, but I realized that they were the people who were genuinely interested in me and liked being around me, and that I felt the same way about them. There’s no magic formula for finding friends. Still, if you're nice to everyone, the people who reciprocate will be the ones you will connect with. It may take time, but there is always an opportunity to create a lasting relationship. Of course, who becomes your friend in high school is often determined by who you have in your classes. Some of my friends haven’t been with me in class for years, but we’re still incredibly close. However, it is harder to create lasting friendships with people you only see every so often. In order to make sure you keep up connections, make an effort to make plans with them out of school, such as eating dinner together. Also, that even the sporadic moments like when you run into someone in the hallway can make an impact. Even just asking someone how they are doing will help to foster a lasting bond. Every once in a while, you may need to “weed” your friend group. What I mean by this is that sometimes you may get into the habit of having people around that you don’t like or who don’t treat you very well. In order to tell if someone is really a good friend, ask yourself this question: “When I’m with this person, do they give me energy or do they drain my energy?” If it’s the latter, try to distance yourself from this person.

I know this type of person well, as I’ve been “friends” with a few of them in my life—and trust me, these energy vampires usually don’t have good intentions. I’ve found that they use nice people to vent to and take advantage of and then turn the other way when you need help. I’ve also had friends that used me to make themselves feel better. Their jabs and back-handed compliments would make me feel bad. You don’t need anyone to bring you down! Energy vampires are not worth it. However, if you can’t get away from someone like this, you are not the only one. I’ve heard many people complain that they feel like they can’t get out of their friend “group.” The reason why is because they think if they leave, they will have no friends to go to. If this is the case for you, it’s totally normal to feel this way. You can try to at least maintain a distance from that particular group. It’s important to that high school won’t last forever, and that going to college will give you the change to start over again. In your teens, school should be your first priority, not your social life. Don’t worry about having to have plans every weekend. Put me-time before everything else during the weekend (with the exception of homework), so you can set yourself up for a productive week. However, that’s not to say that you should stay at home and do homework all of the time. During the school year, I try to go out once a month. That night, which is usually a Saturday, I get dressed up and go out to dinner and just catch up with my friends. It’s a great way to de-stress from school, and it also helps to strengthen bonds and friendships.

FRIENDSHIP GUIDELINES Distance yourself from people that drain your energy. When it comes to friends, only keep those around who give you energy. Those who give you energy will always be excited to see you and be interested in you and your life. Those who take energy will usually just talk about themselves and ask little to no questions. Always ask how they are or how something went. A good friend will genuinely care how you are doing. Don’t judge them. Even if you think what they are doing is wrong, don’t judgment upon them. You can give advice, but never shove your morals down the throats of others. Comfort them. When a friend is going through something (whether it be at school or at home), always make sure you are there for them when they need someone to talk to or someone to hug. Do not say anything that would intentionally hurt their feelings. While sometimes honesty is good, don’t say something just to make a dig. We are all under lots of emotional stress, and even one small sharp comment can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Be careful about what you say and how you say it. Be encouraging. To me, being encouraging is all about giving someone confidence, whether it’s for school, a job, or something else. Always make sure that you are ive and positive about new positions or experiences, and remind them that you believe they are worth it. Don’t rely on them for everything. As a friend, you need to be there (and they need to be there for you), but don’t put lots of emotional baggage and responsibility on them. For example, your friend should not have to tutor you in math every day for an hour—that should be the job of a tutor. Another example is drama. Yes, you should be able to talk to your friends about everything, but they don't need to be your vent-release 24/7. If you really like to talk stuff out, do it with a parent, counselor, or at the very least, spread it among multiple people so that your BFF isn’t stuck with it

all. Don’t put pressure on them. This rule mostly relates to peer pressure, but it also can be applied to other circumstances. Generally speaking, don’t pressure your friend into doing anything they are not comfortable with— whether it be drinking related, school related, or otherwise. Respect their boundaries and comfort levels. Be happy for their successes. I’m not going to lie: in an environment as competitive as high school, sometimes the successes of your friends can make you feel bad, especially if you believe that you are falling behind. The lack of discretion with which some people talk about their successes can also be frustrating (more on this to come later). However, it is important to that (for the most part) the success of a friend is a success for you. For example, your friend probably would not have done as well on that math test if you didn’t tell them you knew they would do great. While you don’t have to be friends with everyone, you do have to be respectful to everyone. Even if you don’t like someone or believe in their values, treat them with kindness. It will be much more beneficial in the long run than will a reputation of being rude and impolite. On a final note, high school isn’t supposed to be the greatest time of your life. Rather, it’s a time for learning and growing. You should be trying to find the best version of yourself, not be the life of the social scene. You have the rest of your life to build up a network of friends and attend parties. If you are able to find a group of friends, or even one or two really good ones, that is amazing!

Chapter 11: Dating

I’ve never been on a date. This used to bother me. I always thought that there was something wrong with me, until I realized that men my age probably don’t appreciate or understand someone like me just yet. So, you’re probably now thinking that I shouldn’t be giving relationship advice, but hear me out. Living elegantly extends into all aspects of your life, even the romance department. Someone who is elegant practices self-control, and always knows her self-worth. When in a relationship with someone, never settle, and never do anything you’re not comfortable with. Trust your instincts, and know when things need to stop. When you find yourself in a relationship, make sure you still leave time for your friends. Boyfriends/girlfriends are usually temporary, but friends are forever. Don’t brag about your relationships to your friends: as a late bloomer, I’ve often been on the receiving end of it! Having a partner doesn’t make you more of a “woman,” it just means that you found someone you like romantically for now. I see finding a partner as sort of like finding a friend. Make sure that they have the same values and morals as you, or the relationship is bound to fail. If you don’t like to party, date someone who feels the same way as well. Your date should be someone who respects you—this is key to having a healthy relationship. If this person doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s time to say au revoir because they are clearly not worth your time. If you respect yourself, it will be easy to identify if your partner has this trait, and to let them go. Don’t let dating consume your life. Yes, it’s fun to think about dating and crushing on people, but the goal of high school isn’t to find a life partner, it’s to learn. Too often, I have seen girls jump into relationships that they aren’t ready for. They barely know the person, and they barely know themselves. Make sure you “date” yourself first before you date someone else. Find out what you love about yourself, what you are ionate about, and devote your free time to exploring your interests, rather than exploring someone else. Then, once you feel that you have a good grasp on who you are, you can start dating. On a final, slightly cynical note, that your high school relationship will probably not last past high school. Someone who is a good fit now will probably not be a good fit in five years, and that’s okay. You will grow and

change so much that leaving behind your high school significant other will be a natural and healthy step on your way to adulthood.

Chapter 12: Elegant (and Inelegant Emotions)

As teenagers, our emotions seem to be running rampant all the time. I experienced this more in my tweens, but the highs and lows of life take a toll on me every day. While I am usually good about handling my emotions, I have about two good cries a year. One usually takes place in the fall, when school starts to really pick up, and the other tends to happen in the winter or spring. This usually happens when I have too much on my plate. There are some parts of the year where everything feels like it’s going to fall apart, and I feel like I can’t keep it together. It’s more than okay to feel this way. Sometimes it’s hard to juggle so much at once, especially when you are trying to be the best person you can be and achieve all that you can. However, there are some things to that will help you keep your sanity in check. I have found that in order to put myself back together after a breaking point, it helps to reflect and appreciate who I am and all that I have accomplished. Below are some tips to help manage your emotions. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. As many of you have probably experienced, a classmate has probably made a nasty comment about you when they thought you were not listening. I’ve had this happen a few times, but the most memorable one happened when I was in seventh grade. I was walking behind two classmates who were talking about how much they both hated me, only to have no clue that I was only a few steps behind them. When they pushed the door open and looked back and saw I was there, both their faces turned bright red and they exchanged looks of horror. At the time, I was too shocked to come up with a snarky comeback, but I realized that the shame they probably felt was more than a worthy punishment. Control your anger. This is not to say that anger is an emotion that should not be displayed by women. Rather, I believe that anger should not be displayed by anyone. I personally find it even more horrible when a man expresses anger than a woman—when a mad is visibly angry, there often seems to be something very entitled about it. Of course, everyone has the right to feel anger. However, how we express it is very important. If you feel angry, stay calm and find little mantras to say to

yourself to do so. There’s a moment in Gossip Girl that helps when I start to become angry or irritated. In season two, episode ten, titled Bonfire of the Vanity, Blair Waldorf quietly whispers to herself, “I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me,” when her mother’s new boyfriend, Cyrus Rose, starts to fuss about her birthday peonies. While Blair Waldorf certainly isn’t someone I would look up to as a behavioral role model, I do love this little saying. Though Blair is extremely agitated, she tells herself to act like Grace Kelly, famous for her elegance and poise, in order to remain polite. I don’t recommend saying this out loud, but perhaps pick an elegant icon and say something similar in your head. Perhaps try, “I am Audrey Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn is me.” Think about what Audrey would have done in a similar situation, and go from there. Get rid of low self-esteem. Low self-esteem plagues many teenagers. It doesn’t help that many of us are going through an awkward time both physically and mentally. However, I believe with enough self-love and lifestyle tips, you can get rid of it. That’s not to say that it won’t flare up from time to time—after all, we are only human—but you will now be able to push it away and find your inner confidence. Be able to properly express your emotions. It’s important that you have someone to talk to. If you keep feelings constantly bottled up, they will eventually burst out. For me, this person is my mom. I always need to debrief after school, so I talk to her every day. If you can’t find someone to talk to or are not comfortable doing that, try journaling instead. The great part about writing down your thoughts is that you can get out everything you need to say, while also having the chance to go back and reflect over them later. Personally, some of the most emotionally draining issues I have had have been considerably helped by writing about what I feel. Find comfort in being who you are. that you are an incredible person and are doing everything you can to learn and grow. Also that you can’t be everything—an athlete, a mathlete, a thespian. You are good at what you are good at, and you don’t need to force yourself to become someone you are not.

Have faith—both in yourself and in the universe. Having faith does not necessarily mean being religious. It means having trust in yourself or something else. This also means looking at life with a glass half-full mentality. You don’t have to be a Pollyanna, but try to always believe in yourself and the chance of a positive outcome.

Chapter 13: Managing Stress

Stress seems to be an essential part of being a teenager, which is why it gets its own chapter. Whether it’s from school, family, extracurricular activities, college, or friends, I can never seem to escape it. However, over the years, I’ve found outlets to release, or at least help ease it, so that it doesn't consume my whole life. The biggest thing to about stress is to not take it out on those around you. Just because you are going through a rough patch does not mean that all of your family and friends have to go through it as well. Therefore, don’t be afraid to give yourself “me-time.” I always have me-time every Friday night. I save all of my homework for Saturday and Sunday, so that after school on Friday, I can just chill. I get home, change into my pajamas, get into bed, and watch movies. It’s my reward for a long week of school, and it helps get me ready for a weekend of homework. However, for the days when you can’t completely check out, there are always little things you can do to give yourself a break. Below are ideas for some fun and occasionally frivolous stress reducing activities. Looking at Zillow. Find your dream NYC apartment and your summer home in the Hamptons. As a real estate junkie, I love to look at beautiful homes. It’s fun to pick out your dream home and mentally escape. Flipping through fashion magazines. Whether you just sniff the perfume samples or delve into each article, fashion magazines are a great way to feel fabulous and up-to-date. My favorites are Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. Listening to bossa nova or jazz. I often listen to either while I’m doing my homework or on my drive to school. Unlike rap or other types of popular music, it isn’t distracting and is great background music. It also makes you feel fabulous, since it gives off very 60s vibes. Watching TV. Television keeps me sane. After a long day at school, I need that hour or so to just de-stress and escape. This gives your brain a chance to recharge before it has to work again. I recommend watching something that isn’t emotionally or mentally draining. My favorite genre, believe it or not, is reality. It may not seem like a very elegant activity, but as long as you

look at it with a critical eye, I think it’s perfectly fine. I love it because it’s a total escape: I don’t have to think about anything other than what’s going on on the screen. My absolute favorite is The Real Housewives of New York City, which is, ironically, somewhat of a parody of manners. I’ve actually learned a lot of lessons about bad behavior (see: pinot grigio-fueled catfights and hypocritical judgments), some of which even inspired me to write this book. Watching your favorite films. Like TV, I also use movies to escape. What I love about films is that they have the power to inspire your life, whether it’s in fashion, decor, or anything else. My personal favorites are chick flicks like Legally Blonde, Clueless, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and other classics. I feel most confident when I feel the most feminine, and watching a girly movie helps with that. When I see Elle Woods reading through law books and taking notes while getting her hair highlighted during the studying montage in Legally Blonde, I immediately feel more motivated. When I see Holly strolling down Fifth Avenue, I can mentally transport myself to New York. Browse clothing online. Looking at beautiful things always makes me feel better. Sometimes, when life feels like too much, I just need to browse the Bergdorf Goodman website, and the sequined gowns and Hermes china will boost my spirits. Redecorating. I love to look at the Neiman Marcus website and pick out furniture for the perfect Park Avenue apartment. However, it is also fun to freshen up your actual room a bit. Perhaps find a set of cut-velvet pillows you love on Etsy or a new piece of art. Talking to your parents or friends. I’m someone who needs to vent constantly. Talking it out can help you feel like you have some control in your life, as you can address what is stressing you out and how you can solve it. Also, it helps to make sure that the stress doesn’t bottle up. Look at blogs. I didn’t just add this to my own blog (www.jennathrasher.com), but they are great to read for inspiration. My personal favorite blogs to read are about fashion, but you can find basically any niche you want. You could probably even find a blog that helps you manage stress!

Chapter 14: Quick Pick-me-ups

Sometimes, it’s hard to feel like the best version of yourself. Here are some little things to do to pick you up out of your slump when you’re feeling down. Some of these are silly, but they can help boost your mindset when you’re feeling “bleh.” Listen to Henry Mancini’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s Album. This is the ultimate mood-lifting album, so I play it all the time. If you have ever seen the 1961 classic, you have probably noticed the jazzy and bubbly soundtrack that accompanies the film. There is something about this soundtrack that just instantly makes me feel glamorous—almost like Holly at one of her cocktail parties in one fabulous dress or another. Light a Scented Candle. Sometimes feeling fancy comes from the silliest of places. The simple act of lighting a candle cannot just change the mood and scent of the room, but your aura as well. I suggest finding a candle that is your absolute favorite scent, and then lightning it when you feel down or sad. Put on a Face Mask. Not the coronavirus face mask (unless you are going out in public), but a skincare mask. Clean and balanced skin always makes me feel more confident, so I suggest putting one on after a hard day at school. You can unwind and get hydrated skin at the same time. Play dress-up. One of my favorite things to do on a Friday night at home is try on clothes and do my makeup. As I’ve said time and time again, I feel most like myself when I’m put together. Even though I don’t plan to go out, I love the process of finding a great outfit and experimenting with makeup. The great part about this is that you can try out new outfit combinations, and perhaps even discover a few old pieces in the back of your closet that you now love again. Take a mental vacation. Sometimes at school, I tend to feel a little sad or discouraged after a long day. I don’t really feel like going to one more class or having to walk past halls and halls of students. When I feel this way, I have a designated mental “happy place.” For me, this place is on Fifth Avenue, just walking past the glamorous designer boutiques amidst the bustle of the cabs like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. I try to take my

mind here and envision myself living my very best life, the life that I aspire to live. The important part of picking a happy place is envisioning someplace where you are truly in your element. This can help to bring you out of your slump, and give you the confidence to face whatever comes next.

Chapter 15: Pursuing Your ions and Planning for the Future

Elegant people have dreams and ions, things that get them up in the morning and make them excited for the day. For me, these things are fashion, etiquette, art, and so on. Think about what makes you excited every day. that you should not let your parents and friends dictate what you should be interested in: don’t play soccer just because all of your friends play soccer or the math team because your parents think it will look good on a college application. You can’t truly know who you are until you discover what you are interested in, and it is up to you to find who you are as a person. In order to start finding ions and hobbies, think about the things that make you happy. These things could be writing in your journal, going for walks outside, watching movies, etc. Find ways to extrapolate these interests into more meaningful and lucrative hobbies, so that you can both do what you love and get recognition for it. For example, I have always loved to write. So, a few years ago, I started my blog Elegance with Ease, since I realized that my true ions are fashion and elegant living. I try to post articles at least once a week. I want it to be a space where young women can find tips on how to dress stylishly and act with elegance. You don’t have to start a blog, but if you love to write, it can feel nice to have an outlet in which to post your work. Also, it is something that you can work on for the rest of your life. A blog goes beyond being an activity on the Common App —it can become a business, an income, and a personal portfolio. If writing isn’t your thing, that’s okay! Maybe you really love math, and could find a way to tutor struggling students. However, sometimes finding an interest and learning how to apply it to something isn’t that easy. Trust me, I’ve been on the other side of the fence as well. I’ve always struggled with finding a niche at school when it comes to clubs. I dipped my toes in theater in middle school, and while I had some fun, I’m not a person who thrives in the spotlight. My dreams of becoming a thespian came to a screeching halt in ninth grade when I signed up to take an improv class that was filled with intimidating senior boys and constant name games.

The point of this is that it’s all right for your interests to change. Oftentimes, they can lead to finding a new love or ion. In my case, this incident led me to my love of art. The only other class available in the same block as theater was Drawing and Painting, so I took it even though I’m no artist, and I somewhat dislike creating art. However, I realized that I love learning about it, which is how I got into art history. I then ed my school’s curatorial team. Now, I’m considering becoming a galleria if a career in fashion doesn't work out. If you stop liking something, don’t continue it—you will make yourself miserable. Instead, just try something else, and you may find that a whole new world of curiosity opens up. Don’t just sign up for activities that you think will look good on a college application. Pick activities that you are sincerely interested in, and that you could perhaps pursue your whole life—choose some extracurriculars that speak to who you are. For example, a couple of years ago, I started writing for my school’s newspaper. They often let me write about fashion, so I’m able to write about something that I love. It’s also good practice for if/when I become a fashion editor. If you look for extracurricular/clubs with the mindset of career exploration, they will be much more meaningful and beneficial to you—which brings me to my next point. While you don’t have to decide your major or career path for quite some time, it is good to think about where you see yourself in the future. Part of coming into adulthood is envisioning the life you want to have. I’ve always wanted to move to New York City and try to find a job at a fashion magazine. This may be slightly unrealistic, as NYC is one of the most expensive places in the world, and jobs in publishing, especially fashion, are hard to come by. However, this hasn’t stopped me from wanting to pursue this life. This dream is what motivates me to work hard every day. If I didn’t have an idea of where I wanted to go in life, I’m not sure I could have done well in school. However, it’s okay to not know what you want to do as a career. You don’t need to know what you want to do and where you want to live to be successful; you should, though, always be mindful of your possibilities and dreams.

IN ORDER TO BE SOPHISTICATED, you have to gain knowledge and experience. Part of this trait is having cultivated ions—which is where your hobbies and interests come in. Try to be an expert or “connoisseur” on one or two topics. For example, in addition to fashion, I’m working on becoming an expert on both film and art, both of which I plan to learn more about in college. These ions make you who you are, and in turn, a much more interesting person. ions are also things with which other people can associate you, which makes you much more memorable and interesting. Another fun thing about having specific interests is that when you run into someone who shares those same ions, it is often a very joyful experience. By sharing your ions, you can have many memorable and fun conversations, which will not only teach you more, but encourage you to learn more.

Chapter 16: Icons to Live By

Now that I’ve established how to live elegantly in everyday life, here are some incredible and elegant women who may inspire you. Though none of these women are famous for who they were as teenagers, they are all women we should emulate and look up to. I recommend Googling pictures, reading biographies, and watching documentaries on all of these women to add a little extra style and grace to your life. Jackie Kennedy Onassis: I’ve been obsessed with Jackie since I first saw a print of Andy Warhol’s Jackie, 1963 when I was eight. I can’t think of another woman in history who endured so much, yet remained so graceful. She is my ultimate style icon. Lee Radziwill: Lee was the younger sister of Jackie Kennedy, and was also the mother-in-law of one my favorite Housewives of New York City, Carole Radziwill. I find Lee to be such an inspiration because, like her sister, she lived many lives in one—she was a princess, an actress, an interior decorator, a socialite, and an author. Audrey Hepburn: In my opinion, Audrey Hepburn is the most poised and graceful actress to ever grace the world. Not only was she fashionable, elegant, and kind, she was a renowned humanitarian. Audrey started her work with UNICEF in the 1950s and continued to volunteer for them until the end of her life. She would go on trips to help children and families struggling through war and famine, proving that she was just as incredible and elegant outside of Hollywood. Princess Diana: Even while constantly in the public spotlight and through the turmoils of a divorce, she kept her dignity and grace. I have always found it fascinating how she went from practically being a teenage bride to a confident and powerful woman. I find it so touching that she always treated everyone with warmth and kindness, even if she was having troubles. Kate Middleton: Just like Princess Diana, Kate Middleton was thrust into the spotlight after being just a “normal” girl. I love that when I see a picture of her, she is always smiling and looking genuinely happy. There is nothing off-putting or cold about her.

Coco Chanel: Coco Chanel created the style for the chic and modern woman. Her styles are just as fabulous and relevant today as they were nearly one hundred years ago. I love that Coco came from nothing and was able to become one of the most iconic and influential women in the world, proving that success does not come from wealth, but from drive. Michelle Obama: Michelle Obama is everything an elegant woman should be: warm, kind, caring, comionate, empathetic—the list goes on and on. She was an incredible first lady, and continues to serve as a role model for women all over the world who strive to behave like her. Grace Kelly: Grace Kelly was an American actress turned Princess of Monaco. She carried herself with poise both on the screen and during her reign. She was in some of Alfred Hitchcock’s most famous films, including Rear Window and To Catch a Thief, and continues to inspire audiences (including myself) with her elegant performances to this day.

A Final Note

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this book! If you read from front cover to end, or found even just a chapter that was useful, I appreciate your . I hope that what you read will make being a teenager even just a little bit easier, and that you find the confidence to embrace your most-elegant self. Best Wishes, Jenna

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS or need advice, you can me at [email protected] or visit www.jennathrasher.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Acknowledgments

Iwant to thank everyone who helped this book come to life, whether it be through teaching, coaching, or editing. I would like to acknowledge Jessie Hennen, my editor, who masterfully helped me tell my story and refine my work. Her inquisitive mind, keen insights and patience helped me persevere from the rough draft to the final product. This book would not be where it is without Jessie’s guidance. I also would like to thank Rebecca Slater, By Rebecca Studios, who photographed me for my book cover. Rebecca has an amazing way of understanding her clients and capturing them for who they are. Rebecca also has photographed the images for my website. In addition, I would like to thank Craig Franke and Deb Fiorella, Franke+Fiorella, who designed my book cover. Their attention to both detail and context is unmatched. They even read my text and blog before they designed the cover. If, in fact, you can judge a book by a cover, they deserve all of the credit. Finally, the Middle and Upper School faculty at The Blake School deserve a shout out. Not only have many of them seen me evolve from a young uncertain sixth grader to a confident senior, they have challenged me in every way possible to write well, think critically, speak up, and aspire to be my very best.

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About the Author

Jenna Thrasher is a high school student from Orono, Minnesota, and is completing her senior year at The Blake School in Minneapolis. As she entered her teenage years, Jenna was struck by the lack of role models and resources for young women. The Elegant Teen is Jenna's first book. Jenna also writes on fashion and elegance for her blog Elegance with Ease (www.jennathrasher.com).