Negotiation And Conflict Resolution 1r2r4j

GETTING PAST NO: DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Negotiation and Conflict Resolution Presented by: Victoria Hargan MA Forensic Psychology 2007 Presented By: Amanda Hassing, Rose Velasco, and Victoria Hargan

OVERVIEW 

GETTING READY   

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USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY     

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What is Negotiation? Breaking through barriers to cooperation Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

Go to the Balcony Step to their side Reframe Build them a golden bridge Use power to Educate

CONCLUSION

WHAT IS NEGOTIATION? 

Communication aimed at reaching agreement w/others when some interests are shared & some are not.

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Informal activity engaged in whenever one tries to get something one wants from another person.

PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE

WHEN TO PREPARE:  Before  After  Again to adapt strategies

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Bottom line: PREPARE, PREPARE, PREPARE!!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY DEFINE “GO TO THE BALCONY” 

Thinking before reacting

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Stepping back, collecting wits, & seeing objectively

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Distancing oneself from natural impulses & emotions

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY 3 NATURAL REACTIONS (TO AVOID) 

Striking Back – Fighting “fire with fire”

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Giving In – Being done with it

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Breaking Off – i.e., Getting a divorce, quitting a job, or dissolving relationship

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY 3 TACTICS USED FOR REACTION 

Stone Walls – No Budging

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Attacks – Pressure tactic; used to intimidate

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Tricks – Fool you into giving in

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REACT: GO TO THE BALCONY BUYING TIME TO THINK 

Pause & Say Nothing – Helps both parties cool down

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Rewind the Tape – Review the discussion

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Take a Time Out – Take a break

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Don’t Make Important Decisions on the Spot – Sleep on it

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Don’t Get Mad, Don’t Get Even, Get What You Want – Control your own behavior!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE WHAT TO DO: 

Listen actively

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Give other side a hearing

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Acknowledge their feelings

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Offer an apology

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Project confidence

Paraphrase & ask for corrections Acknowledge their point

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE WHAT TO DO (CONT’D): 

Agree wherever you can

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Acknowledge the person

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Agree w/o conceding

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Acknowledge their authority & competence

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Accumulate yeses 

Build working relationship

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Express your views w/o provoking

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Tune into their wavelength

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ARGUE: STEP TO THE OTHER SIDE OTHER TIPS: 

Say “yes……and”, not “but”

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Make “I” statements, not “you” statements

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Stand up for yourself

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Acknowledge differences with optimism

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Create favorable climate for negotiation

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME WHAT TO ASK: 

Problem Solving Questions

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Why?

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Why not?

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What if?

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Their advice?

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What makes that fair?

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME WHAT TO DO: 

Change the game by changing the frame

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Tap the power of silence

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Make your Q’s open-ended

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME REFRAME TACTICS 

Go around stone walls- example of stone walls include: The opponent taking an extreme position. 

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Tells you “Take it or leave it” Sets a rigid deadline

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Ignore stone walls

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Reinterpret stone walls as aspiration

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Take stone walls seriously, but don’t test them

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME DEFLECT ATTACKS 

Ignore attacks

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Reframe attacks on you as attacks on problem

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Reframe personal attacks as friendly

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Reframe from past wrongs to future remedies- Ask “How do we make sure it never happens again?” Reframe the blame as t responsibility for tackling the problem.“ (Ury).

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Reframe from “you” & “me” to “we- "“We” creates a side-by-side stance, drawing attention to common interests and shared goals.“(Ury)

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME EXPOSE TRICKS 

Ask clarifying Q’s

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Make a reasonable request-put them to the test

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Turn trick to your advantage

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME BRING IT UP  If your opponent is using tactics that you’re aware of; bring it up. 

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Calling them liars or cheats does not make them more receptive to the problem-solving process.

Make light of the tactic.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME NEGOTIATE ABOUT THE NEGOTIATION 

If your opponent continues to use stone walls, attacks, and tricks negotiate about the negotiation

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Two negotiations factors

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Negotiation about substance: the and conditions, dollars and cents.

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Negotiation about the rules of the game. How is the negotiation to be conducted.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T REJECT: REFRAME THE TURNING POINT 

Change the game from positional bargaining to t problem-solving.

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Reframing will turn a positional confrontation into a problem-solving negotiation.

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE 

Obstacles to agreement

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Offer them a choice

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Build a Golden Bridge

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Satisfy unmet interests

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Involve the other side

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Don’t dismiss them as irrational

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Ask for & build on their ideas

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Don’t overlook basic human needs

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Ask for constructive criticism

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE 

Building a golden bridge means making it easier for the other side to surmount the four common obstacles to agreement. (Ury)

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It means actively involving them in devising a solution so that it becomes their idea, not just yours. It means satisfying their unmet interests. It means helping them save face It means making the process of negotiation as easy as possible.

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USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE DON’T ASSUME A FIXED PIE  

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Look for low-cost, high-benefit trades Identify items you could give the other side that are high benefit to them, but low cost to you On the flip side, seek items that are of high benefit to you, but low cost to them. Use an if-then formula

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T PUSH: BUILD THEM A GOLDEN BRIDGE HELP THEM SAVE FACE  Help them back away w/o backing down 

Show how circumstances have changed

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Ask for 3rd party recommendation

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Point to standard of fairness

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Go slow to go fast

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Guide them step by step

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Don’t ask for a final commitment until end

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Don’t rush to the finish

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Across the bridge

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON'T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE 

Use power to bring them to their senses, not their knees

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Let them know the consequences

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Let reality be their teacher

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE THE 3 MOST REALITY TESTING QUESTIONS 

What do you think will happen if we don’t agree?

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What do you think I will do?

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What will you do?

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE WARN, DON’T THREATEN 

Demonstrate your BATNA

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Use your BATNA, Defuse their reaction

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Deploy your BATNA w/o provoking

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Use min. power

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Use legitimate means

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Neutralize their attacks

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: Power contest is a 2-way street!

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE TAP THE THIRD FORCE 

Build a coalition

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Use 3rd parties to stop attacks

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Use 3rd parties to promote negotiation

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY DON’T ESCALATE: USE POWER TO EDUCATE KEEP SHARPENING THEIR CHOICE 

Let them know they have a way out

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Let them choose

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Even when you can win, negotiate

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Forge a lasting agreement

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Keep implementation in mind

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Design the deal to minimize your risks

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Build in a dispute resolution procedure

USING THE BREAKTHROUGH STRATEGY REAFFIRM THE RELATIONSHIP 

Aim for mutual satisfaction, not victory

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Gracious words & symbolic gestures helpful

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Be generous at very end

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Resist temptation to fight over last crumb

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If appropriate, organize celebration for both sides

CONCLUSION:

TURNING ADVERSARIES INTO PARTNERS 

Always respect your opponent

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Change environment, not opponent’s mind

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Identify both party’s BATNAs

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Win them over, not win over them

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Patience & persistent = successful negotiator

REFERENCES Ury, W. Getting Past No; Negotiating in Difficult Situations. NY. Bantam Books

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