Fear Not 4j3m40

The views and opinions expressed in this book are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views or opinions of Gatekeeper Press. Gatekeeper Press is not to be held responsible for and expressly disclaims responsibility of the content herein.

Fear Not

Published by Gatekeeper Press 2167 Stringtown Rd, Suite 109 Columbus, OH 43123-2989 www.GatekeeperPress.com

Copyright © 2021 by Eric B. Talbert All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

The cover design, interior formatting, typesetting, and editorial work for this book are entirely the product of the author. Gatekeeper Press did not participate in and is not responsible for any aspect of these elements.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021938895

ISBN (paperback): 9781662914362 eISBN: 9781662914379

This book is dedicated to my amazing wife Termia for praying, ing, and encouraging me from beginning to end, love you. My Pastor/Parents Charles and Ann Talbert for their Godly guidance, wisdom, example, and constant . To my children Eric jr. (R.I.H), Ryan, Alexis (Kalem, Alexis’ husband), Jamia and Damu, some of the best children in the world. My out of this world grandchildren, Cody, Cyon, Delilah, Chase and Kanan and my amazing sister Monica Terry for all her editing and on this project, along with her husband Stephan Terry.

Contents

I. Fear of the Unknown

a. The Boogeyman

b. The Wall

c. Imaginary Thoughts

d. Fearing the Decisions of Others

e. The Doctor Visit.

f. The After Life II. Fear is Paralyzing

a. Wishful Thinking

b. The Safety Nets

c. Secret Agent

d. Entertainment Specialist

e. Excuses, Excuses

f. The Plan

g. Start Right There

h. Push Through

i. Mind Trap

j. Loving a Loser

k. The Answer III. Fear Breeds Anger

a. Possible Danger

b. The Denial

c. Working on the Wrong Thing

d. Leading with Fear

e. The Young and Fearful

f. The Baby Daddy

g. Race and Fear

h. They Could!!! IV. Fear Is ed Down

a. What Are We Teaching?

b. Captain Skittles

c. “Oh No, Not Divorce!”

d. Easy Target

e. The Plane Ride

f. The Scary Health Talks V. Is This the Same Person?

a. I Got This

b. Two People Inside

c. God’s Mighty Man

d. Scared for My Life

e. Closeness Matters

f. Switch That Up VI. Fear of Being Alone

a. Bad Situation

b. Wasting Time

c. The New Family VII. God Has Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear

a. Confessing

b. Face to Face

c. Victory in Your Faith

d. Power of Love

e. Your Mind

f. Your Focus

g. The Power VIII. Mastering Your Fears

a. What Fear Does

b. The seizure

c. Wait on God.

d. Power of Believing and Patience

e. Defeat Fear with Faith

f. Speaking With Your Inside Voice

g. Jesus is the Answer.

Fear Not (Intro)

There is a little four-letter word-monster called fear. Fear can be a dangerous emotion to say the least. In this book, we will journey through some of the effects fear has on us and why it needs to not just be addressed but conquered.

Fear in some cases is the elephant in the room no one wants to it to having. For some, it’s been dominating your life, family, career, church, business, and relationships for a while. It can be seen by you and others, but never be spoken of.

Your pastor, the random motivational speaker, your family member or friend, or even your boss all pump you up with their inspiring words. They throw logs on the fire of your dreams and purposes only for you to suddenly have that fourletter word-monster reappear. Many times, almost feeling as if you’ve never heard anyone say anything to you at all.

Fear hides itself in material things, fat bank s, titles and even within a lot of friendships with folks who should really be called associates. Fear is also under the curse words, articulate words, complaints, and sarcasm spoken to keep people from recognizing your personal insecurities.

Fear plays over and over like a ticking clock in the midnight hour when everyone’s asleep and the lights and TV are off. That same clock gets louder and louder and you wonder how when everyone was up, you couldn’t hear the clock ticking at all, but now it’s dominating your thoughts.

Fear will paralyze you both mentally and physically, finding yourself spending many good years stuck in a place that produces nothing but the same old thing year after year. Fear of the unknown outcome, in situations involving both you as well as others you care about, can have you running all kinds of worrisome scenarios through your mind, not realizing that many of those very scenarios will never happen.

Fear is also ed down, although, many times unintentionally, like a baton in a relay race around the track of life. Words spoken to you like, “You’re going to be just like your daddy,” “This family has never done well in school” or “All my life I’ve had bad luck with love, so you should prepare yourself too.” Our words have power, so we must be mindful of what we give to the generation coming after us.

Fear also has a way of breeding anger in the most unsettling but consistent way. Like the road rage you have when a car cuts you off. First, you’re scared. Then, once you realize nothing happened to you or the car, words come flying out your mouth. Some folks might keep it PG, but for others the words may be rated R. Fear will also have others wondering if this is the same person. In one environment, you have plenty of confidence, but in another, you’ll wish you were in a Star Trek movie and could say “Beam me up Scottie.”

Some are afraid to be alone. You’ll stay in all kinds of bad relationships, groups, and situations just to not be by yourself. In some cases, when major attention is given to you by a person, gang, club, etc., you hold onto them for the most unfulfilling and dangerous ride of your life.

This world profits off our fear. Even as we pay to have access to more and more security systems, we find ourselves worried more by constantly checking them, especially tracking devices for the kids which is a lot different from the parents back in the day who just told you to make sure you come in before the streetlights come on.

The politicians play to our fears as well for money and votes which causes us to hate each other, “worry about who may be entering this country illegally “and even “so-called stolen elections.’’ One political party will proclaim that the other party is “destroying their country” as if the country doesn’t belong to both parties. These opinions, while not based on facts, have us carrying around a lack of trust in the institutions that we’re supposed to trust to tell us the truth. And I mustn’t forget having us afraid to call the police, the very ones we should call for protection, not knowing if we’ll become another victim.

While fear is common to all men, it was never meant to be nurtured, raised, or tolerated and it is time for its eviction notice. It needs to be removed from this precious gift God gave you called life. We have one shot at this life on earth and we must live it free and boldly. It is possible to master these fears when we believe that “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (II Timothy 1:7). What God has given us is more than enough to accomplish that goal, finish that degree, find and stay in love, and fulfill the purpose that God has created you for.

I pray that you enjoy reading and applying this book as much as I have enjoyed writing and opening myself up to the use of my Father through his son Jesus Christ.

Be blessed and , “Fear Not.”

Fear of the Unknown

...casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ …

2 CORINTHIANS 10:5

The Boogeyman

Do you the Boogeyman? You know—the imaginary man most kids thought would come in their room at night to do something terrible to them, so they begged their parents to either leave their door open or close it tight. They might even call out in the middle of the night, “Mommy! Daddy! I’m scared!” and try to close their eyes real tight, hoping they’ll quickly go to sleep so they don’t have to deal with him. Of course, as grownups, we know there’s no such thing as the Boogeyman. But for a child unaware, the Boogeyman is as real as their mom and dad, so the attempt to find comfort in the middle of their fearfilled nights may seem impossible to them.

In some ways, as adults we’ve created Boogeymen in our own lives which help shape our fearful thoughts that often plague us. Some of them may sound like:

• “If I ask a question in front of my classmates or coworkers, someone is going to say that’s a dumb question.”

• “If I get up in front of the church and I don’t preach like the other preachers, they won’t think I’m called or really anointed by God to preach.”

• “If I don’t wear the popular and expensive clothes, my peers will think I can’t dress.”

• “If I do something other than sports or music my friends aren’t going to think I’m a real cool or smart person.”

There are many self-made Boogeyman thoughts like these that haunt us every day. These thoughts keep the doors of our lives either shut tight so no one can get in, or open wide so we can run out of any situation in which we find ourselves in. These thoughts are robbing us of our peace and security.

The Wall

As adults, instead of calling for Mom and Dad, we have walls that we cling to for safety and security from these Boogeyman thoughts. I going to the pool with my son, Ryan, and he would say “Look, Dad, I’m swimming!” Well... I suppose it’d be best if I gave you a visual.

He had his left arm on the wall, his feet walking along the bottom of the pool, his right arm splashing in the water, and his head bobbing up and down. To a seven-year-old, they might think they’re swimming. But in real life, that was water aerobics at best! While he had a real fear of letting go of the wall (he didn’t want to drown like most of us), I had to tell him, “Ryan, you have to let go of the wall and jump in the water to experience real swimming.” Holding onto the wall would’ve kept him sidelined, stuck watching others enjoy themselves in the same pool. Now in his twenties, unlike then, Ryan is a great swimmer. He dives, does backflips and all of that. Ryan swims well now because he finally let the wall and his imagination of tragic outcomes go.

So many of us have walls up and don’t even know it. They can be in the form of our families, friends, titles, money, jobs, alcohol, drugs, cool demeanors and even those nasty attitudes. We cling to these things because they give us feelings of safety when everything else seems uncertain, but they may be literally holding you up too.

Some extreme thoughts may be “I can’t live or love without that wall” as if we would experience immediate failure or drowning in the pool of life without it. These are all lies. And these thoughts keep you afraid of jumping in the water of life and experiencing success that is just waiting on you.

See, if you’ve never fully embraced what’s waiting to be explored on the other side of your fear, then what you call loving or living may not really be love or life. Like with Ryan, swimming wasn’t really swimming, but he thought it was. Once he let that thought of drowning go, though, he experienced so much more in that same pool.

Imaginary Thoughts

This ‘fear of the unknown’ is everywhere. It’s in our relationships, the sports we play and even our workplaces. You can see it when we say things like:

• “I know they’re going to leave me. This relationship is just too good to be true.”

• “Watch me drop this on this play” or “Miss this free throw” and cost my team the game.

• “I know I’m going to lose this position in the office if I don’t do everything and more that my boss wants me to do.”

With these presumptuous and pessimistic thoughts looping in our heads, we run around trying to do everything in our power to keep everybody happy and satisfied. If you’re playing sports, you’re trying to not lose the lead you built in the first half of the game (case in point the Atlanta Falcons vs. New England Patriots in Super Bowl 51). Or at work, you’re trying hard to keep your position secured with a bunch of “kiss-up” moves to the boss that actually may be making the boss mad. Or, you spend crazy money and time you don’t have hoping your partner will love you more and not drop you for someone else.

The way I see it, if you’re afraid you’re going to lose something, then you’ve already lost it. This is one of the reasons I’m writing this book. This fear of the unknown takes us out of character and keeps us from focusing on our purpose, developing strategies, persevering with confidence, and seeing ourselves as

winners.

Some other fearful imaginary thoughts, or Boogeymen, you may wrestle with are things like:

• You’re too old.

• No one will ever recognize your worth.

• You’re not smart enough.

• If anyone ever sees what’s really under this makeup or behind this filter, all your attention will stop.

• Fear of a terrible death.

There was a man named Jacob in the Bible who was beyond nervous before seeing his twin brother, Esau, after many years apart, because Jacob had tricked Esau out of his birthright when they were kids. Having not dealt with that deception, Jacob was not excited to see his brother again.

The Bible says:

So, Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; and he divided the people that were with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two companies. And he said, “If Esau comes to the one company and attacks it, then the other company which is left will escape.”

GENESIS 32:7-8

Jacob was wise enough to be honest with God and himself about how he really felt:

Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children.

GENESIS 32:11

It is interesting that Jacob called out to God, like kids would call out to their mommy and daddy when they were afraid of the Boogeyman. God is our father, and like Jacob we should call out to him. This is one way to have victory over the fear of the unknown: by calling on our true protector and savior in times of distress.

When Jacob finally met up with Esau, the most unexpected thing happened.

But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him and they wept.

GENESIS 33:4

Like in Jacob and Esau’s case, many of the things we’re afraid of happening, like the Boogeyman coming in the room and killing us, will never happen anyway. Contrary to Jacob’s fears, when Esau saw him, he was so happy that he kissed him and offered him a place to stay with him, operating in a spirit of total forgiveness toward Jacob. They shared stories of how God had blessed them down through the years.

Fearing the Decisions of Others

This ‘fear of the unknown’ even plays on your mind as it relates to the decisions and actions of our grown children. My kids—Ryan, Lex and Jamia—are all adults doing their best to find their way in this life. Long gone are the days that my wife and I know every person they know or everywhere they go 24/7. I worry at times if they’re being taken advantage of out there by jealous friends, bosses, or coworkers? By the time they share anything with us, which I can honestly say all of them do, the deed against them is already done. I also can’t help but think at times about if they’re texting their friends while driving or speeding down the highway trying to get somewhere they think they must rush to get to (maybe not Alexis, but definitely Ryan and Jamia). Having thoughts of them possibly getting into an accident, hurting themselves or even hurting someone else, constantly play in my mind.

I must it... I miss when they were kids and I knew what they ate, what time they went to bed, who they played with, if they’d gone to church, knowing what they were watching their TVs... Nowadays, to be in a position where all that has changed can be a fretful feeling sometimes. For those parents thinking “I cannot wait ‘til mine turn 18”—forget about it. They may leave your house, but they never leave your heart or mind, and that’s another level of concern that is difficult to shut down as a parent.

Because of these very real concerns, from the very beginning of our relationship, my wife Mia and I have cultivated a consistent prayer life together. This includes praying for the covering of the blood of Jesus over all our kids and that God would bring good people in their lives who are positive influences and good friends. These prayers not only help them, but also strengthen our faith, causing us to have concerns rather than being consumed with nonstop fear while maintaining an open line of honest communication with them.

The Doctor Visit.

Many people have a genuine fear of going to the doctors. One reason is that they are afraid of what the pain they’re feeling could be, so they settle for friends, family, and Dr. Google. The second reason is they feel you can go see the doctor for one thing and come out with two or more problems. Both these feelings are unknown fears. You owe it to yourself to be proactive in facing your health concerns, head-on. Not just accepting what you’re feeling, thinking or what others are suggesting (especially Google). This is especially true for men. A study by the Cleveland Clinic found that 60% of men do not go to the doctors. That is over half. By the time many people get to the doctor the problem that could have been resolved has gotten worse.

Use the access you have to health care and get your annual physicals. Men, if you are fifty or over, get your colonoscopies; and for young people, don’t wait till you get older to practice seeing the doctor regularly. Say a prayer and go identify the problem early and silence the many possibilities running through your head, causing you so much unnecessary stress.

The After Life

The fear of what happens after we die has probably been felt by millions of others at some point. For the most part, when you’re young, you feel invincible. Nothing aches, you don’t have any pills for high blood pressure, there’s no surgery for a knee replacement… life’s simpler. Every now and then, a young person dies of cancer, a car accident, murder or even suicide, but for most youth, this is merely a cause for a pause to give them time to think, not a long-term worry.

For people around my age and over, it becomes more intense and real that every day is a gift from God. That we should be grateful and enjoy it alongside all the pills we take and the aches we feel for no reason.

Death reminds us of our mortality and unless the Rapture takes place, none of us are getting out of here alive. For some, what happens after death isn’t as much a worry as it is an uncertainty. Obviously, I’ve never died to be able to say what happens from experience, but I absolutely believe in God’s Word and what it says about the afterlife and a large part of that is because of my faith.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

HEBREWS 11:1

Here are a few scriptures that give us a preview of what to expect in the afterlife:

For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:1

We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

2 CORINTHIANS 5:8

In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

JOHN 14:2-3

The Bible also has a few scriptures that show us that hell is just as real as heaven.

Therefore, as the tares are gathered and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of this age. The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all things that offend, and those who practice lawlessness, and will cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

MATTHEW 13:40-42

And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. Then he cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.’

LUKE 16:23-24

But the good news is that if you receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you will live forever in heaven and not have to experience hell at all. This is explained in one of the more commonly quoted scriptures:

For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

JOHN 3:16

Fear is Paralyzing

…let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

HEBREWS 12:1

Wishful Thinking

(To be clear, I am using the term “paralyzed” metaphorically.)

I carrying my ideas, plans, and ions everywhere I went, waking up many mornings believing that day would be the beginning of a new life for me and mine. I would listen to my favorite preachers powerfully expound on God’s Word, read books by many profound, inspirational, and knowledgeable authors, and dive deeper into the best book I ever laid eyes on—the Bible, with all its mighty men and women. My favorite of them all was Jesus, and his awesome red-letter words. I’d feel like a gas tank filled and no matter how much more you squeeze the handle, no more could get in.

I would hear God telling me to write this book, go visit this person, write this song, reach out to this person... Immediately, I’d get excited and start writing, talking, and encouraging people, thinking of an exciting future away from my 9to-5 job.

Afterwards, I would think of my past and all the failures that prevented me from having the seemingly clean, and perfected life testimony like those I’d listened to and read about before. The thought of failure, accompanied by its friends doubt and disbelief, would gang up on me and pin me down like a WWF fighter.

I would close the door on pursuing those purposes in my life and tell myself, I have a family that needs me and depends on the security of my job. And like a trapeze act in its rehearsal phase, I needed my safety net right under me in case I fell.

The Safety Nets

My safety net of a job has come through for me every time a mortgage, rent or car payment was due, as well as when one of the kids would say, “Dad, can you...” And believe me, I am truly thankful to God for that, but it just made that net seem even more comfortable.

I’m not suggesting that you run out and quit your job. Everybody’s purpose or calling is NOT the same. Even Paul in the Bible was a tentmaker while preaching the gospel. What I am saying is that many times we spend too many years chasing money at a job that has us buying things we don’t need, but want, only to look up later struggling to figure out “where’d all that money go.” Then, we go back to the same job to keep chasing more of the same money, never having enough or feeling satisfied. Like a hamster on its wheel, it never ends. Spending time on your ions, dreams and callings will bring you much more satisfaction at the end of your days.

Secret Agent

You might not be able to tell the people around you what you feel inside because you got the cars, the house, the love, or the position that makes you look brave and confident. But at the end of the day, you must look and deal with the person in the mirror, and the mirror doesn’t lie.

Being paralyzed by fear will have you feeling like you can’t move forward or that you’re too old to go back in time, especially those who’ve graduated high school and still haven’t got a clue what they want to do five years later. Or even those pushing forty wondering why the NBA still hasn’t picked you up yet (let it go, try coaching).

You don’t want people from your past discovering you haven’t moved forward, so you isolate yourself. Your coworkers and classmates see a smile and get a quick conversation, but nothing beyond that. A stranger gets your undivided attention as you listen to them talk about their lives, but your life is a secret FBI assignment and the events in it are “top-secret” information, not giving anyone clearance to enter.

Entertainment Specialist

This paralyzing time of fear might even have you talking like the king or queen of TV. You’ll know all the shows, stars, and latest movies. You’re a regular ESPN fanatic. An expert sports anchor who knows everything about every team and player. And let’s not forget the news junkie who loves CNN, MSNBC, or Fox News!

This paralyzing state can even creep up on you too. One of my frozen-in-time states was during the 2016 election. Boy, was it good until they declared Donald Trump the winner. I could’ve been a CNN commentator with all that I knew about the people, topics, and ALL the politics. Day after day, I watched for hours even as I felt the world calling, my kids struggling in school and life, my wife wanting my attention, my grandkids not knowing me... I was too consumed to handle anything. I was like a zombie, making excuse after excuse for not being available, but thank God for His grace.

Excuses, Excuses

Now, a big problem with being paralyzed by fear is you’ll start justifying your state with very compelling and sincere excuses. You’ll say things like “I binge so much TV and social media because I just need to make sure I’m keeping up with the world so I can be relevant in my family, friends or work circles.” Then, before you know it, you’re more aware of others’ messes than your own.

Movies, music, and sports are forms of entertainment that draw big money because we get to see people do the very things we want to do. They achieve goals and dreams that we wish we could do. Like when Kobe won five championships and many fans like me cheered like it was us. Or when Denzel rescues all the people around him with life-threatening problems in The Equalizer. Or when Whitney sang “I will always love you” so well that not only do women sing along, but big burly men in their private time hit those high notes too (I really did see a guy singing that in his truck). We live vicariously through these entertainers and YouTubers (by the way, feel free to visit my YouTube channel) when we should simply enjoy and celebrate them, then move on to our own gifts.

Now, as powerful and almighty as God is, He is not coming down from His throne room in heaven and snatching the remote control, Xbox/ PlayStation controllers or cell phone out of our hands. He’s not going to burn up our bowl of butter-flavored popcorn as we binge-watch Netflix episodes or all the latest movies. He’s not going to make every sports team we love lose so we feel the disappointment of watching the games and stop tuning in. I eventually had to put down the remote control and stop scrolling down my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and replace my regularly scheduled escape events with more lifeengaging, fearful events.

The Plan

The word “intentional” is major because it means “to be done on purpose.” I find that I must be intentional about laying aside my paralyzing weights of escapism (movies, TV, cell phone, etc.) and run head-on into the fight against my fears.

No matter what I have had to do—from house budgeting to home repairs, church programming, supervising, trying to eat healthier and even a sermon—I create a plan. This gives you and others around you a clear vision of your intentions which also cuts down on uncertainty that can lead to fear. Your plan also helps with attacking and defeating those unexpected challenges that are sure to come.

Start Right There

You may be thinking your condition is involuntary or that you have very real constraints like prison, a criminal record, divorce, the death of a loved one, or a physical handicap.

When I was stuck, I thought about the Apostle Paul in the Bible who wrote some of the New Testament epistles from a prison cell. His words continue to inspire me today. He didn’t let his bad situation stop him from doing his part in establishing the first church of believers in Jesus Christ. He also didn’t let the rats, chains, and smelly first-century prison stop him from writing about Jesus and proclaiming His great works.

So, neither should we stay paralyzed. Some of these things that are hindering us can’t compare to Paul’s hindrances. Grab a hold of the sufficient grace given to you by God, conquer that fear, and pursue that God-given assignment. Don’t wait to be or get somewhere—start right where you are.

Push Through

The interesting thing about pushing through this fear is that you’ll experience the power and fearlessness that comes from purposeful living and how it can break the back of any type of fear you face. Some of you won’t be able to quit cold turkey the paralyzing devices, but , “little hinges swing big doors” (can’t take credit for that but it fits), so push back on the use of the cell phone a little at a time. Instead of watching five shows a week, cut down to three for a few weeks. Instead of scrolling on social media all day, pick a time and stick to it. Instead of hanging out every weekend, try every other. Whatever your vices are, a step-by-step approach may be your best answer. Who knows, you may someday be the athlete, anchor person, movie star, or evangelist watched by others who are paralyzed by their fears. It is said that “successful people feel fears also, but the difference is they do what they do anyway.”

Mind Trap

Now, not only do we get paralyzed physically, but we can also be paralyzed mentally as well. The playboy or playgirl that’s going from bed to bed, making every excuse as to why they can never settle down and commit to just one person, may also be paralyzed by fear. Their inability to maintain a healthy relationship or communicate honestly about their feelings with someone is a sign. They blame the other person for the relationship’s failure, never realizing it was them who was really paralyzed mentally.

They may have been deeply disappointed one time too many by someone who meant a lot to them in their past, like a parent. Some were dumped by someone they really liked, so vowed they’d never be dumped and left heart-broken again. So, locked mentally in a bad space in time, they’re paralyzed in that fear. And we know the saying... “Hurt people, hurt people.”

Loving a Loser

Some women are stuck in a relationship where she knows if she tries to leave, she’ll have hell to pay through violence being inflicted on her or a family member. She may also wonder how she’ll make it on her own because she needs his money, presence, and the feeling of safety he brings to the relationship, even though she knows every time she has sex with him it’s like playing Russian roulette and she could catch a disease. Thus, she stays, fearing both staying and leaving with no hope in sight.

The Answer

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

ROMANS 12:1-2

Paul writes this because it forces you to look at yourself and take responsibility for your actions and shortcomings, both mentally and physically. Without making any moves physically, your mind can start right where you are. Giving your body, time, and thoughts to God is the least you can do, since He has kept you alive to be able to make a change. Then, renew your mind, what you’re listening to and who you’re listening to. Your voice has kept you stuck long enough and the people around you are just trying to hold on to what they get from you, not you. Seek out Jesus’ voice that says:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy. I have come that they might have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

JOHN 10:10

Pleasing God is more important than pleasing anyone else, including yourselves. I believe this will cause you to become unparalyzed and extremely mobile, living to overcome those fears for life’s joys. As you unpack all those God-given

gifts you’ve been given, you’ll be able to share them with so many people just waiting to be uplifted and helped by you in many ways.

Fear Breeds Anger

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.

PSALM 37:8

Possible Danger

Have you noticed how two emotions seem to go hand in hand? It’s as if fear comes first and right behind it comes anger. When you turn on the evening news and hear of all the acts of violence, or the effects of a deadly worldwide virus, the first response is, “Oh my God, that’s terrible.” Then, the anger kicks in and you wonder, “Well, what’s going to be done about it?”

If your child jumps out from behind a car to scare you, you first jump in fear, but then it’s on. While this kind of fear is minor, you can still become so angry that you want to knock their block off.

We also kill mice, roaches, flies, snakes, and all kinds of pests in or around our place of residence, because not only is their presence nasty and unwanted, but in some cases it causes more fear to creep in. To eliminate that fear, we do what? Kill them dead. What a relief that comes over you when looking at a dead creatures vs. a live joker.

The Denial

In the Bible, Peter, one of Jesus’ closest disciples, was questioned about his association with Jesus. His fear of being arrested, like Jesus had just been, was so great that the scriptures describe it as:

And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with Jesus of Nazareth.”

But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you are saying.” And he went out on the porch, and a rooster crowed.

And a little later those who stood by said to Peter again, “Surely you are one of them; for you are a Galilean, and your speech shows it.”

Then he began to curse and swear, “I do not know this Man of whom you speak!”

MARK 14:69-71

Peter was very calm at first when asked a simple question, giving them a short answer, “No, I don’t know him,” which was a lie no doubt, because he feared what could happen to him. However, when pressed on the issue, he turned to cursing and swearing to not only lie but showcase his anger. All of these are common examples of how fear can switch and turn into anger in only the briefest of moments.

Working on the Wrong Thing

A reason I raise this point is because some people will say you need to work on your anger, so you go to counseling, you try meditation, and even start avoiding being around certain people, yet that anger is still right there, waiting for the opportunity to act out. It could be that your anger is not the root problem. There could be some insecurities that you’ve fostered about yourself and not only do you not want to deal with it out of fear, you also don’t want anyone else to notice it. Like Peter, as people get closer, your anger rises and pushes them back, giving you the extra space to keep your secrets or flaws safe. Maybe by itting and facing those insecurities, you can eliminate them along with the anger and feel the urge to be more inviting and friendly with people.

Leading with Fear

Even as leaders, you may have people under you that aren’t operating in a way that adds to your church, company, family, or classroom. The fear may be that if you address them about it, it’ll lead to a big blowout. Maybe an entire family will leave your church or that worker will cuss and fuss at you. Maybe you even stop correcting your children when they’re wrong, for fear of pushing too hard and causing a rift, or even losing the relationship with them altogether, so you just don’t say anything.

However, if you don’t address these people, you’ll become angry at both them and you. You’ll end up leading from a fussing, cussing, frustrated, and out-ofcontrol position. Then, you’ll start to affect others around you who have nothing to do with the conflict you and that person are having, which can cause the quality of your church, office, business, family, or class to suffer ultimately.

The Young and Fearful

Fear is also found in the young man who’s left with his mom after his dad abandoned them. Hearing his mom cry at night because she’s not sure how she’ll make ends meet, he feels he must be the man of the house and has no clue what he’s going to do. He projects anger to hide his very understandable fears of being the “man of the house” with self-appointed expectations like providing and protecting. He says to his mom, I got you, Mom,” and says to himself, “I got to do what I got to do,” which at his age has no limits.

I’ve also watched this kind of fear turn to anger being played out in our streets with our young men. If someone’s in a fight or a confrontation, fear of retaliation may make them feel the need to kill someone. Back in my day, if you fought one day, you could come back the next day and possibly be friends. In today’s world, though, so many are carrying knives and guns or have such easy access to them that the simplest of fights most likely will end up with someone dead.

The Baby Daddy

How about the young man who dates the young lady, causing her to drop all her defenses and let him not only into her world, but her body? Then, when she calls him and utters those jaw dropping words—“I’m pregnant”—suddenly, the guy she thought she knew so well turns angry. He doesn’t answer the phone anymore and snaps at her every time she tries to have a conversation. She scratches her head, wondering what happened and what she could’ve done to cause this. That’s not just anger, that’s fear.

He was looking for fun, but now he’s worried about paying child for the next 18 years and whether he’s ready to be a dad or even connected to her in that way. All these thoughts creep up and cause complete fear and anxiety. While she has her own thoughts about the baby, he’s scared to death, and before you know it, he’s an absentee father. Not because he is mean, bad, or sad, but he’s simply scared to embrace the responsibility.

To be fair, there are surely young ladies who receive the news that they’re pregnant and are scared to death too. They worry about their ability to be a good mom, whether they can afford the child, and how it’ll affect her and her future. She may change the way she acts towards the father and everyone connected to her personally. She may even lean towards the idea of having an abortion as a solution to her fear altogether.

So, you can see how fear can have a big impact on both the mom and the dad and in many ways affects the family in an extremely negative way. And when the family is impacted, it also impacts eventually the community as well.

Race and Fear

Fear is also evident in our racial divide. Some white Americans are afraid equality will cause them to lose their powerful positions and everything their money has allowed them to enjoy. Guess what, white America—you are not alone. If many Black people were honest, they would it their fear living around certain people themselves. The fear of being robbed, annoyed by loud and aggressive music, and disturbed by gunshots or violence all causes feelings of being vulnerable and unsafe, which breeds anger on the inside.

In anger we say things like “I wish they would move somewhere” or “They make me sick.” We can’t even walk to the neighborhood McDonald’s because someone just got shot across the street last night. Essentially, you’re a prisoner in your own home, causing you to wonder if every community should be gated for comfortable and safe living.

They Could!!!

It is amazing how one group of people could fear another group so much that their fear would cause them to feel the need to oppress them. The children of Israel had been held in Egypt for 400 years. They were used by the Egyptians for servant work, but then they started to have more children and their numbers became much greater than that of the Egyptians. This caused the Egyptians to become afraid of eventually being dominated by the Israelites, who were once the minority (sound familiar?).

And he said to his people, “Look, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we; come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply, and it happen, in the event of war, that they also our enemies and fight against us, and so go up out of the land.

EXODUS 1:9-10

They say history repeats itself and that scripture sounds like slavery in America where the slaves were beaten to ensure they were kept in line. White Americans feared that if they didn’t, those enslaved would overtake them. In both cases, the fear of being overcome by a certain group caused the Egyptian leaders in the Bible and the whites in America to resort to violence to keep people in their control.

But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew.

And they were in dread of the children of Israel.

EXODUS 1:12

Just like in the case of Israel, the more the oppressors beat, hung, abused, and in many cases killed their loved ones, the stronger Black people became. When they finally were set free from their oppressors and chains, they moved on to excel in areas like inventing, owning property, education, sports, and politics. This excellence reached all the way to the White House, the highest office in America. We had eight years of the first Black President, Barack Obama, and now we have the first Black/Asian Vice-President, Kamala Harris. Both groups’ (Israel and Blacks) spirits and faith in God was never broken and proved that they could rise above any adversary they faced as a people with the help of God.

I could go on and on with this point, but please. Before you spend most of your time and energy working on an anger problem, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” If you can eliminate some of those fears, then you’ll erase a lot of that unnecessary anger. There could be many people in your life who have never experienced the peaceful, joyful version of you. That version will come out after finally replacing those fears with a faith that will breed hope, peace and joy, wrapped in a true love that comes from God and His son Jesus.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

I JOHN 4:18

FEAR IS ED DOWN

And Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you are a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.”

1 SAMUEL 17:33

What Are We Teaching?

From birth to death, every human being has some form of fear in their lives. In many cases, that fear has been ed down. For instance, a bug crawls nearby and a mother in distress says, “Oh my goodness, kill it!” Most kids who would otherwise play with or kill that same bug instead repeat what their mother says and subsequently develop a fear of bugs that some end up never shaking.

A man named King Saul in the Bible and the army of Israel were facing a battle against Goliath and the Philistines, who were the size of giants. The challenge that Goliath gave to Israel was to send their best soldier to fight him—a challenge that frightened King Saul and the entire army of Israel.

When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid.

I SAMUEL 17:11

A young boy named David was just coming to bring lunch to his brother, who was in the Israeli army, and happened to hear Goliath speaking of destroying the army of the living God. It got David in an uproar, so he went to King Saul and said he wanted to be the one to challenge the mighty Goliath.

Saul said unto David, thou art not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for thou art but a youth and he a man of war from his youth.

I SAMUEL 17:33

Saul’s words to David seemed responsible and caring—a warning even. But just like the mother who was ing down to her child the fear she had of bugs, Saul was also ing down to David the fear he had of Goliath.

Regardless, Saul’s response fell way short of motivating a determined David who was facing his destiny fearlessly.

Captain Skittles

When my son, Eric Jr., was a young kid, he expressed to a relative his interest in playing football. That relative told him that he was too little and would get hurt; but though Eric was shorter than some of the kids his age, he loved playing football. So, paying no mind to their concerns, he embraced the of his old man and others who saw his potential, garnered up his own inner courage, and pursued his desire to play.

Eric went on to become the captain of his football team, the Lanham Raiders. He was the starting running back for two years straight and was nicknamed ‘Skittles’ because his moves were so colorful and sweet. Not only did he make me proud, but he made himself free of the fears others tried to project onto him, and showed that on the other side of fear was promotion and victory.

Our young people haven’t lived long enough and made many of the mistakes or failures we have, so we’re simply afraid for them. Just like Saul and Eric Jr.’s relatives, we may say things that would discourage and place fear in them, so they always remain safe. However, many aren’t born with that fear you’re inadvertently projecting on them and could possibly overcome their shortcomings to achieve many great things without it.

Even if no one in your family has completed college in the past, maybe your child will be the first. You may have never had a large bank and use scripture verses like “The love of money is the root of all evil” or sayings like “Rich people have problems too” to justify your lack of experience. But your children may be the first millionaires in your family, who’ll use their money to honor God and own businesses, build communities as well as down a rich inheritance to their children. The possibilities are endless for them if we use a yield sign instead of a stop sign when we give them advice.

“Oh No, Not Divorce!”

Another way fear is ed down to kids is when their parents divorce. For some, this creates a fear of loving or trusting people or even in God. Some kids might’ve prayed for God to put their parents back together and they feel He didn’t. Some thought they could depend on the security of their family to never end, but now they feel completely uncertain about everything. Some kids may become seriously introverted, thus putting them in a vulnerable position in the world among their classmates, church friends and neighborhood buddies or bullies. Their look screams that they need a friend and are desperate for love or a replacement family, even though their attitude says they don’t like or need anybody and to leave them alone.

One day, when I was talking to a woman who was in her 40s about the trouble in her life, she told me how ever since her parents divorced when she was a kid, she’d struggled with relationships and letting people in to even have genuine friendships. As she spoke, tears flowed as if the divorce had just happened that day. It’s so hard for some children of divorce to trust and love, so at times they settle for whatever and whoever will fill in that void no matter how much they don’t really like them or what they do to them.

Easy Target

To push a little further on this point, for some, their fears are reinforced by the constant chasing after and presence of other people feeling the same fears. The magic words are spoken… “I feel you.” Or better yet, “I understand” and the rest is history. The connection is made. This becomes tricky because if this new person has found that drugs, sex, alcohol, stealing, lying, and manipulation numbs their pain, fear, and uncertainty, they’ll be inclined to share their findings with your child. Nothing makes sinful living more fun than having someone to share it with.

If a young person is feeling abandoned, this can cause them to cling to the first latching person or group they find for fear of being alone. These bonds are hard to break, and it’s difficult to prove to a young person that their newfound friend is not good for them or that it’s not love they feel but instead only lust.

A young person with fears can come from all types of homes, not just divorced ones. Some homes have simply failed to supply the and bonding needed to hold that young person. Yes, the house is supplied with love, money, and rules, but the time and attention spent is hard to come by.

The Plane Ride

Fear can also be ed laterally as well to people who are attached to you. For instance, my beautiful wife, Mia, had never flown on a plane before. I’d flown a few times before, even experienced major turbulence, but I’d never had a fear of flying. So, when we were going to take a little vacation together in Florida, guess what—we had to get on a plane to get there! For a few weeks leading up to the flight, all I heard from her were all these horror stories people were telling her. As a result, she wanted some medication from our doctor ASAP and by the time we got ready to board, her questions and fears had become mine because I’d heard her recite all of them over and over.

Some of you have experienced people close to you saying fearful statements over and over until you too have embraced a fear that didn’t belong to you at first. I shook off that fear by reading God’s Word and ing my own experiences, choosing not to embrace her overly cautious ers’ suggestions. I spoke of how much I enjoy the flying experience and how safe it really is, so as I held her in my arms most of the flight, she did so well and enjoyed the experience so much that she breezed through the flight back with no medicine and no apparent fears (she did a lot more talking, which is always a good sign) and said she was looking forward to our next time on a plane together.

The Scary Health Talks

The detailed stories you hear from your elders about their health problems can be a fearful experience too, to say the least. You can go to a family function feeling like you’re ready to climb Mount Rushmore and leave feeling sick and ready to call your doctor because you just know you have all kinds of symptoms.

Uncle Ray Ray and Aunt Patty who’ve “had it all” always feel the need to have a testimonial with the family. They look you straight in the eyes and say, “Look forward to this baby.”

Don’t get me wrong, I agree that concern and information is extremely important, and I love that more doctors are starting to collect family medical history. However, the Word says:

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

PROVERBS 18:21

To leave young people with a “You have this to look forward to” attitude is asg them to a destiny of your affliction.

I believe it’s important to inform our next generation of the family health issues that run in the family bloodline, but it’s also important to remind them that if

both sides of your family have problems, taking personal responsibility for what you do and put into your body, along with the power of the blood of Jesus, can help you clean your body and bloodline.

So, unlike Saul, let us not down our fears. We can always give words of warning but leave open the possibility that our youth have more tools and opportunities to accomplish more and greater things than we ever did. down faith and words of life and hope. It keeps the door open to experiencing unbelievable victories.

David did go on to defeat Goliath by killing him with a slingshot and a single stone, as I stated in another chapter. Not only did he kill him, but he also cut Goliath’s head off with the giant’s own sword and held it up in victory. David not only showed them he was fearless, but he showed the enemy a preview of what was to come. He would one day grow up to become a king and conquer many enemies to place the Israelites, God’s people, in a Godly spotlight for the world to see. And so will you as you defeat your Goliath on the other side of your fears. You will help God’s people to be prepared for a Godly spotlight that brings God all the glory.

Is This the Same Person?

For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.

ROMANS 7:19

I Got This

It’s funny how we can show strong signs of being a “superhero” in one instance and “Mr./Mrs. Scaredy Pants” in the next. Most men especially master the art of not showing fear, even if it’s a horrifying moment.

Yes, it’s an art. First, you get this real mean face and then you loudly tell everybody to get out of the way. It’s more to pump you up than anything. If we feel we’re in control of a situation and the outcome of that same situation has extraordinarily little impact on us personally, then we’ll act with more confidence. But when the outcome can have personal implications and we feel as though we’re not in control, our responses can be based in concern or fear.

Two People Inside

At the age of 12, I directed the national 10–16-year-old choir during our church convention. This choir had over seventy-five young people, and since I was so short and the wall behind me was so tall, many people in the 4,000-person audience said that all they could see were arms waving. I also played drums as well as directing the youth choir of my local church. And as I got a little older, I played on an album by a local artist named Jackie Ruffin of the famous Richard Smallwood singers, as well as playing for Ronald Winans, Dr. Pearl Williams Jones, Keith Pringle, Daniebelle Hall and Joy Fellowship to name a few from the ages of 17-22. All these wonderful, fearless expressions of talent were flowing!

But that same guy fearfully exposed his lack of confidence when it came to talking to girls or in front of people. I was bashful, shy, and had no flow whatsoever. My words got mixed up and my tone switched to that of a low Barry White. I had this one friend I called my brother, Carlos Johnson (RIP), who wasn’t afraid to talk to anyone, so he would start the talk and I would catch up later.

So how was it I was able to be fearless with my talents but fearful of talking in front of others and in one-on-one conversations? It was as if there were two people inside of me. And to be honest, it is tempting to just stay with the talented one and avoid the fearful conversations.

God’s Mighty Man

Even men who were used in a mighty way by God tended to have extraordinarily strong and powerful moments, but in other settings found themselves having a hard time finding the courage to go on. Elijah shows us this as he tries to convince the children of Israel to keep their faith in God and not believe in other gods:

Then Elijah said to the people, “I alone am left a prophet of the LORD; but Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men. Therefore, let them give us two bulls; and let them choose one bull for themselves, cut it in pieces, and lay it on the wood, but put no fire under it; and I will prepare the other bull, and lay it on the wood, but put no fire under it. Then you call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD; and the God who answers by fire, He is God.”

So, all the people answered and said, “It is well spoken.”

1 KINGS 18:22-24

Now, one thing that impressed me with this is that Elijah obviously didn’t need to be convinced of the powers of God. He was willing to put his own life on the line to possibly persuade Israel to believe in God again over their new god, Baal. He was further proving that he had a direct connection with the God of heaven and earth.

And it came to , at the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that

Elijah the prophet came near and said, “LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that You are God in Israel and I am Your servant, and that I have done all these things at Your word. Hear me, O LORD, hear me, that these people may know that You are the LORD God, and that You have turned their hearts back to You again.”

Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood and the stones and the dust, and it licked up the water that was in the trench. Now when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces; and they said, “The LORD, He is God! The LORD, He is God!”

And Elijah said to them, “Seize the prophets of Baal! Do not let one of them escape!” So, they seized them; and Elijah brought them down to the Brook Kishon and executed them there.

1 KINGS 18:36-40

The part that isn’t seen that I hope you’ll want to go and read is that the prophets had a chance to call on Baal and he never answered them.

Who could argue with the confidence of the man of God? His prediction of what God would do? How he reinforced the confidence of Israel in their God although it was just Him vs. the 450 prophets of Baal? And to finish his masterpiece of standing up for his God, he took all 450 down to Kishon and killed them all. It may sound like something out of a Marvel movie to say the least, but he had NO fear and ALL faith in God.

Some of you can relate to this public display of sheer confidence, as you crushed

it in the boardroom, on the stage, in the classroom, or in the pulpit. The performance (or for the preacher, “the Word”) you gave was so well done it even felt like you were having an out-of-body experience. Everyone else was in disarray during the family emergency but not you. You were “Cool Hand Luke,” directing everyone on what to do and how to do it.

Our confidence in God and his ability to use us to do anything should never waver, producing a strong showing like Elijah did during this encounter.

Scared for My Life

But can you believe that just one chapter over when Ahab, the king, told his wife Jezebel what Elijah had done to her 450 prophets, she responded:

Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time.” And when he saw that he arose and ran for his life, and went to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.

1 KINGS 19:2-3

So, this man, Elijah, who wasn’t afraid of 450 prophets, is now afraid of this woman named Jezebel and her threat to kill him. The depths of his fear went so deep that Elijah isolated himself and was ready to tap out, crying out to God for him to take his life.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now, Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers!”

I KINGS 19:4

Wow. Can you imagine the one who took 450 lives asking God to take his life because he was afraid and tired? This on the surface may look like he had a split personality, but around the world people are experiencing those very same

feelings and outcomes.

Closeness Matters

A lot of times, the level of fear in our response to trouble is determined by how much an outcome will personally affect us.

I can speak with confidence if you ask me for an answer involving a situation in your life, because although you could blame me for the outcome, it still has little effect on my life personally. But, when it comes to my own life and family, I have many more fears and reservations. I have greater feelings for them and myself and I don’t want to potentially disappoint them with a bad decision.

Even in the case of Elijah, the 450 prophets weren’t threatening to kill him. He was just proving a point about the God he served vs. the god they served. The moment Jezebel came for his life, though, it became personal, and the outcome would affect him a great deal.

While there is no one-word answer as to why this is done, it does speak to the possibility that depending on the situation you’re facing and/or the mindset you’re in while facing it, you could show either fear or faith. We all have the capacity to show both and be the same person. An athlete, actor, or musician could have major determination and dedication to the arena they’re involved, in which they’re rewarded based on their performance. And that same athlete, actor or musician could be divorced multiple times or be losing their own personal battles with drugs or alcohol.

The point is—most people are not just all fear or all faith. We often can experience one more than the other, especially if we’re intentional about the situations we place ourselves in and the battles we choose to fight.

One thing about Elijah—he didn’t just talk to himself or others who shared those same fears. He talked first and foremost to God. Elijah was honest enough with himself and God about how he felt, and God placed him right back to where he needed to be, just like He can do for you. He may use any person, place, or thing to do that, but because he knows you are a work in progress and faith is what you need to complete your assignments, he’ll restore you as many times as necessary. And like with Elijah, He’ll continuously try to reach you and not stop, knowing that it’s not over till God says it’s over.

Switch That Up

Some people can get in a pulpit and shake the heavens, having the entire congregation in amazement, then go home and can’t have a simple discussion with their wife or children. They’ve never asked their wife to pray with them while spending hours praying for hundreds of people daily. They’ll have meetings at the job all day, planning yearlong strategies to grow the company, making them thousands, if not millions, and organizing great outreach events, but this same person doesn’t have one family meeting at home. They feel like they’re unable to reach their teenage child, leaving it totally up to the other parent to shoulder that responsibility. They can build up, counsel, and show love and strength in a public setting, but not even do any of that with people they love and are in close connection to.

The fact that you can do those amazing things already is an indication that if you turn your attention around, put the first things first, and fight through the possible rejection you will receive at first, I believe you will find an even bigger reward in seeing the growth in those closest to you and that really need you and have been patiently waiting on you. Although your reputation, business, company, or church are already growing, let’s face it, if you were to die tomorrow many would feel sad and miss you, but replace you and move forward.

Fear of Being Alone

“…teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

MATTHEW 28:20

Bad Situation

There are so many people in bad relationships, both homosexual and heterosexual, and in groups that add little to no value or joy to their lives. These groups can range from gangs or fraternities to religious cults and even some churches. While in these relationships or groups, they find themselves repeating “I can’t stay in this” week after week, month after month, year after year, experiencing what feels like an emotional rollercoaster ride. While you used to pride yourself on riding this ride with no safeguards, you now sport a seat belt, a helmet, shoulder pads and a chin guard, just waiting for a crash to happen.

Some are being mentally and physically abused and while the bruises may heal with time, the impact of the abuse carries on for a lifetime. You carefully express your words because you don’t want to say the wrong things that’ll unleash the beast in your partner. You watch them sleep peacefully at night with thoughts of wishing they could sleep like that in a casket for eternity. Then, the thought of you in an orange jumpsuit for killing this fool just drives you to take a pill, smoke a t, drink some wine and go to sleep beside the monster. Or worst of all, that out-of-control, obsessed partner or spouse threatens that if you leave them, they’ll kill you and your family. And in some cases, God forbid if they’re a gun owner, they could easily follow through on that threat. These types of situations can leave anyone paralyzed in fear.

Now, as terrible as these situations sound, the possibility of leaving sounds hopeless, especially if some victims of this violence share a child or the leader of the group has brainwashed you in to thinking destruction is yours if you leave. Even if you get a chance to leave, you somehow return time and time again. You keep telling yourself that having someone or the group is better than being alone, especially if you have been isolated from family and friends, making it impossible to get help from anyone to deal with this problem.

Wasting Time

I a friend sharing with me about a mentally abusive relationship they were in where they spent most of their time waiting to get this girl that they wanted even though she was seeing someone already. He would occupy his time with other things until they would meet up again. She would say things to him like “I really want to be with you” and “You’re who I need to be with… but I can’t because I really love him, and he needs me.” My friend said that his selfesteem was so low and the fear of being alone was so high, that he believed all her lines even though deep down he knew he was being used as a time-filler while she waited for her other man to finish playing with his women.

He found himself doing things that were way out of character for him and totally irresponsible, hoping that he would one day win the girl-of-his-dreams-turnednightmare. This relationship had him thinking all kinds of insecure things like, “What does he have that I don’t? What more can I get or do that would make me better than him?” when he was just wasting his good God-given time. This thinking left his approach to her as weak as a feather on a breezy fall day. Not only did he lose her, but he lost time, money, dignity, and closeness in his relationship with Christ. I shared with him that fortunately, though, every “L” doesn’t have to just be a loss. It can easily be turned into a lesson.

The longer you tolerate what isn’t good for you, the stronger, more dependable, and more comfortable the other person’s or group’s hold on you gets. As well, the need for the part you do enjoy, like company, hope, and some fun, just tightens the stronghold you are experiencing. Mistake number one, she has a man. If she is with him and has a man, what makes him think she would be faithful to him? Mistake number two, if a person doesn’t fully make themselves available, that is a clear sign that they may not want the relationship at that time because most people find time to do what they want to do. And mistake number three and most important, anything that takes you out of your character and threatens your and integrity, and especially your relationship with Christ, is not sent from God but sent from your enemy that wants to steal, kill, and destroy

your time, joy, and life. God warns us to “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” II Corinthians 6:14.

I’ll be the first to it that being alone is no fun at times. We were created to have relationships with others. God looked at Adam when he was in the garden and decided “it wasn’t good for man to be alone”(Genesis 2:18 NKJ), so he created Eve. But when your time is being occupied by a person, place or thing that isn’t making you better, growing with you, or fulfilling your needs without draining the value that you already have, you need to let it go and believe better is waiting in line.

God may even let you be alone for a while after coming out of a bad situation, just to make sure you won’t return to old things or habits and let them keep you from fully embracing the new. , you cannot have a breakthrough without a break from the person, place or things that have you hostage. I must add a disclaimer; I am not talking to married couples when I say, “let it go.” You have a different challenge, that requires a much more intense approach. Your actions should be solely between you, God, and your spouse.

The New Family

The gang member you know might’ve come from a home where there was a parent in the home, but they had to work so many hours that they were left home alone or allowed to hang in the streets day after day. They get introduced to a group of peers that represent a possible substitution for a family and they dive all in. I can only sympathize with their plight, because for their initiation into this gang they may have lost some of their own blood or took someone’s life to . I pray that God will open a door for them so that they can move away from these groups and take the way out when it presents itself. The Bible states:

No temptation has overtaken you except as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

I CORINTHIANS 10:13

When you’ve moved away from these relationships or groups and spent time healing yourself and getting to know yourself, you realize some things. Some of these groups and people have lied to you and you have imitated them so long that you don’t even know who you are, let alone what you’re supposed to be doing with your life.

We also need some time alone to get to know the greatness of our own character, and what we really have to offer others instead of how well we can play the role others need us to play. In this time alone, develop a solid relationship with God through his son Jesus. This relationship will not only help you grow but will also have you living with no compromises or fears of being alone.

God Has Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

II TIMOTHY 1:7

Confessing

To overcome our fears, we must first it that we have fears. Most people have a way of acting fearless all the time, but you can’t conquer what you’re not willing to face. Having to mask a lifestyle where you must hide all those insecurities to look good for the crowd is killing you in your alone time.

Our insecurities, which perpetuate our fears, have been shaped and molded by our environment, associations and past failures, and are not easy things to release. I had to learn to be honest with myself and say how I really felt, if not to others, at least to myself. Shakespeare writes, “First to thine own self be true.” This is especially important since you must be with you for the rest of your life.

Face to Face

There are times when God will cause us to face our fears, knowing that after we’ve faced them, the fear of the unknown will have no more authority over us.

The Bible tells of a man named Job who was a blameless, upright God-fearing man who shunned evil. He was a rich man, seeing as wealth back then was measured by the number of livestock one possessed. He also had ten children that he covered in prayer daily, just in case they sinned in their own hearts, and they too were blessed with their own possessions just like their dad.

One day, while Satan and God were having a conversation in heaven, God asked Satan if he’d considered testing his servant Job, placing him in the direct line of attack from Satan. Satan then says to God:

Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.

JOB 1:10

So, God gives Satan the green light to attack Job by saying:

“Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person.”

JOB 1:12

This should give us hope that if we belong to God, no matter what we’re going through, God knows and has bragged to Satan that you will not only endure but come out victorious.

Satan killed Job’s children and all his livestock. Then, attacked his health, making him extremely ill and isolated from his friends and others. Job’s own wife, his number one er, asked him why he didn’t just curse God and die (which is exactly what Satan had told God Job would do if he let him take his stuff). Now that must be an all-time low, when your wife is pushing you to die and do what Satan wants you to do (Job 1:11). And after losing all his personal and precious things, there is one statement Job said in his depressed state that stuck out to me:

For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, And what I dreaded has happened to me.

JOB 3:25

Job is now face-to-face with his fears and thoughts of potentially losing all success and prestige he’s worked so hard for. Although he suffered greatly, he never charged God falsely, and even made more profound statements of faith indicating that while it may be killing him, his trust remained in God:

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.

JOB 13:15

By stating this, Job shows us that he didn’t just believe in God in his heart, but he wasn’t afraid of proclaiming it out loud for the world to hear. The people around Job may have seen defeat, but nonetheless they heard praise and trust in God.

Also, because Job has experienced “the thing he greatly feared the most,” the fear of experiencing it is now over. In many ways this is a relief. He has now conquered the “fear of the unknown.” This is one of the best parts of coming face-to-face with your fears. In the end this is what happened to Job:

Indeed, the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

JOB 42:10

Somebody reading this book may be right where Job was. You might’ve lost some of your family, money, possessions, good health, etc., and you’re scared to death of your temporary or “new normal” condition. Not only is your voice and the devil speaking defeat, but your own family and friends seem to have chimed in as well.

Like Job, I too got news one day that my son, Eric Jr., had been killed. On that Saturday evening, it seemed that an immediate darkness took over my world.

While I am not a perfect man like Job was described to be, I am a man who prayed over his kids and believed in God’s protection of them. I had sacrificed and loved them all so much so I found myself wondering nonstop how this could happen to me. I really had to that my status as a child of God does not exempt me from experiencing the things this world of sin can bring to any of us. But it’s not what happens to you, but how you handle what happens to you.

I can honestly say through time, counseling, love, family, friends, and my faith, I have found the strength not to get over the hurt but continue to live through it. This has enabled me to continue to encourage others and praise the name of Jesus. During it all, I’ve found this scripture to be quite true:

“...for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

II CORINTHIANS 12:9

Victory in Your Faith

Let me declare to you that you can hold on and build up your faith by doing what the following scripture says:

So, then faith comes by hearing, and hearing of the word of God.

ROMANS 10:17

Stay in God’s word. Listen through your cell phone or your pastor at church. Talk to positive and Godly people. Over time, you will see victory over not only the situations you’re facing, but the fear that’s inside of you and surrounding your life. For the Bible states:

And the LORD restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed, the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before. Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the LORD had brought upon him. Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold.

Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning.

JOB 42:10-12

I decree and declare to you that no matter what you have gone through and no matter how bad it has been, that like he did with Job, God will give you a double blessing and make your latter days greater than your former. He will cause people to bless you that you never would have expected. Just to give him all the glory.

Power of Love

There is a power that love has to help us conquer fear. As John wrote:

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

I JOHN 4:18

A mother’s child could be in the middle of a gang meeting or a crackhouse and that mom will go get her baby. Sometimes in a robe with rollers in her hair or a pantsuit with heels, but either way she’d find her child and love on them until the very end because her love overrides her fear. This kind of love will find a way to get what you want to see done. Love brings a confidence that fear can only imitate, but not yield the lasting and effective results.

Love without fear wrapped itself up in an earth suit and came all the way to earth to dwell among us, knowing all along that one day He was going to be sacrificed and mutilated on a cross like an animal. His love pushed through the betrayal and denial by someone close to Him to fearlessly say that love really does conquer all. So, when the text says He’s given us a spirit of power and love, it is declaring we have the weapons inside of us to defeat the fears and insecurities that keep us paralyzed.

Your Mind

The mind is the control center to all our actions in life. You can’t even move a finger without a signal from the brain, so it can be assumed that the fear we face is triggered in the mind. Therefore, one of my favorite scriptures of all time is:

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

ISAIAH 26:3

Because no matter what storm or tragedy you’re facing, His word promises that if we can keep our minds on Him, we will have peace.

My daughter Jamia is the fearless one. She wants to jump out of an airplane one day and ski down mountains. I one day she had a bad accident, and her car ran off the road into a ditch. I know it shook her up, but it didn’t stop her stride. Within weeks, she got back out there and purchased a new car as she continued to work her two jobs. She has a mindset that she will not let the storms of life stop her, but instead motivate her to bounce back and fight harder.

Your Focus

It reminds me of the story of Peter when he was on a boat with the 11 other disciples. They were out at sea and saw someone walking across it. It looked like a ghost, so they were afraid, but it was Jesus and He said to them:

“Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So, He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.

MATTHEW 14:27-31

Like Peter, many of us have heard Jesus say come or go—go witness to that person, go see that relative you hate seeing, go become that minister or spokesperson that your community needs, go start that business. Some of you heard Jesus speaking to your heart and you answered the call by giving your life to him and deciding to follow him for the rest of your life. Peter was doing the impossible, but something happens:

But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

MATTHEW 14:30

So, our boy Peter started to look around at the raging storm waters turning and

found himself feeling…you guessed it, fear.

Now, this is where you can’t take any credit for what you’re doing. It’s not your degree, your bank statement, your last name, your good looks, your skills, or your talent. It’s the mighty hand of God that makes you able to complete that move in your life.

Peter took his eyes off Jesus, the one who called for him, and focused on the storm, where he was, and what he was doing in fear. We’ve all started praying to God to get an answer, but when the storm comes, we stop the prayers and start watching the storm with an unhealthy old dose of fear. But even though Peter’s eyes lost focus, he knew to use his voice and call on Jesus. Jesus comes and raises him up, but asks him:

“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

MATTHEW 14:31

Now, it’s great to see that if God tells you to come or go out that he’s not letting you go by yourself, and that if you need to call out to him for help, He won’t just stand there and watch you drown. But Jesus was expecting his faith to override his fear and guess what—he has the same expectation for you and me.

All this just further shows us that if we can it areas of fear and face it, we can defeat it. Using our faith in God and the power of His love, if we keep our eyes on Jesus and trust that He’ll keep our minds at peace no matter what may come our way, we can defeat it by using Jesus’ name.

The Power

It is written that “But you shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you” (Acts 1:8 KJV). There is a power that the Holy Ghost has that education, money, and who and what you know can’t compete with. The Holy Ghost is not just for speaking in tongues and shouting alone, it gives us power to discern truth, to gain victory in spiritual warfare and invoke Godly wisdom on how to handle any problem you have. So, I encourage you if you haven’t received this gift to seek it as you follow Jesus; and if you do have the Holy Ghost, like Paul told Timothy, “Stir up the gift of God which is in you” (2 Timothy 1:6 NKJ).

Mastering Your Fears

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

JOSHUA 1:9

What Fear Does

The definition of ‘master’ in the dictionary is, “A person with the ability or power to use, control, or dispose of something.”

A real challenge to being a Christian with Christ-like character is mastering your fears using your faith. Even for those who say, “I haven’t gotten to the ‘Jesus is my savior’ part yet, but I want to see more control in my life,” that’s a big part of the battle.

It’s safe to say you may never get rid of your fears altogether. It’s a common emotion that does have some benefits, like warning us of danger and keeping us from doing things we know we have no business doing. I know for me, fear has saved my life a time or two, but the real story is not in the words you speak about fear, but more importantly the words we speak to fear.

Although fear does have its place in this walk, we should never leave it to run amok. It won’t just run away because you’re so sweet, nice, and smart or just because you’ve been through enough already. We must master fear because we need a confidence that we carry during even the most unpredictable circumstances we face daily. Our faith is how we make it through when all hell is raging in our home, job, business, health, church, or school.

The seizure

One day when my daughter Alexis was about 2 years old, I had just laid her down to sleep and I happened to look over at her and she was having a seizure. She and I were the only ones home at the time, and to see my baby girl turn blue in front of my eyes had to be one of the most fearful moments of my life. I didn’t have time to call 911, yet while I held her in my arms, I said, Satan, you can’t have my daughter, and by the power of the blood and in the name of Jesus, let her go,” andimmediately her color came back, and she woke up and the seizure stopped. God knew she needed to be here. Not only am I truly proud of the young lady she has become, but she also has proven to be an outstanding wife to her husband Kalem, the best mom to her son Kanan, and an “out of this world auntie” to her niece and nephews (God, that was a great save).

Wait on God.

People of faith have been foretold that:

“The just shall live by faith.”

ROMANS 1:17

So, we don’t simply live a life of reacting to every outrageous circumstance with hysteria and fear-based actions. We make calculated, prayed-over, intentional decisions that are often handled in a way that would drive an impulsive, fearful person crazy.

My wife Mia is one of my heroes. When I met her, Jamia and Damu’s father had ed away about 4 years earlier. She stepped up and took on the very unexpected but challenging to say the least responsibility of raising Jamia (7) and Damu (2) as a single parent. As you could imagine, she had fearful days and dark nights; but as many mothers have had to do, she placed all of that in a rearview mirror, and with her faith in God she was doing an outstanding job raising two beautiful children. Prior to me meeting Mia, she said she told God, “I’m not looking for a man and I’m just going to focus on raising my children.” During her waiting period, Mia came to my church on one Sunday morning to visit her mother who also attended my father’s church. Her mother introduced us, and the rest is history. We have been talking and trust me, I haven’t taken my eyes off her ever since that day and never plan to.

For Philippians tells us:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which sures all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

PHILIPIANS 4:6-7

One day while Jesus was sleeping on the boat He and His disciples were traveling on, the disciples woke Him frantically because there was a great storm coming that struck a lot of fear in them. Jesus didn’t wake up in a rage; but as peaceful as His sleep was, His response was the same. He stood at the helm of the boat full of confidence and faith in His Father’s ability to not only protect Him, but His disciples as well. All He had to say was “Peace be still” and immediately the storm stopped. Notice, He didn’t say “Please be still” or ask the storm any questions, but instead He gave it a command. The disciples were amazed and said:

What manner of man is this that the winds and seas obey him.

MARK 4:41

Now that is the kind of Jesus that is in me and you today, my friends. That is the Jesus that we need to know and embrace to have power over our fear. If He has the power to shut down a storm, imagine how much power He has to shut down those problems in your life.

After Jesus corrected the sea, He looked at his disciples and said what He says to all of us from time to time:

“Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”

MARK 4:40

Power of Believing and Patience

Belief and patience are needed to operate in the faith realm.

…that you do not become sluggish but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

HEBREWS 6:12

Fear pushes the belief that your situation will never change and that things will never get better for you on this side of heaven. I hear you saying how the chips are stacked too heavily against you, but let me remind you that it took belief and patience for our ancestors to endure the painful past they endured.

The number of lynchings, the amount of police brutality, the false accusations, the sentences that were handed down, causing many to spend decades in a prison cell for a crime they didn’t commit. The many loans denied. The seemingly endless news broadcasts showing nothing but murders, people being burned out of their houses and churches. Not to mention those trying to overcome viruses like the Spanish Flu, Ebola, and the coronavirus. The trafficking of young ladies and molestation of our young boys, especially by the people in charge of the institutions both secular and spiritual who are called to protect and to guide them through life safe from harm. I can only imagine that those kids want to ask their parents why they would bring them into this crazy world with all these scary things.

Defeat Fear with Faith

Some of you may wonder how you can build this thing called faith. Well, if we follow Romans, it says:

So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

ROMANS 10:17

I’ve used just a few scriptures in this book that I know will help, but the entire Bible has an overwhelming number of direct scriptures and examples of people of faith that will build your faith as you read scriptures like Hebrew chapter 12.

One portion of scripture that gives us all hope in Romans, though, is: …God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

ROMANS 12:3

This is reassuring because it means you don’t have to count on others or just sit and ire their faith. God tells us we have our own faith and if we just use his Word, we can build that faith so that we have even more. A small example of this faith is when you make plans months out for things you want to do, or sign for a 30-year mortgage having no clue how long you’ll live. Also, many of us don’t check the chairs we’re about to sit in; we just take a seat. These are real signs that we all have a measure of faith already.

Speaking With Your Inside Voice

God told Joshua to be of good courage!!!! And I believe he speaks the same to us today. Know that you may have to pursue goals and dreams mostly in quiet and speaking to yourself with your inside voice.

I when my son, Damu, had just started playing basketball and boy, did he have the scariest look on his face I’d ever seen. Mia and I would say words of encouragement like “You got this!” and “You have to relax and enjoy the game!” to add some positive thoughts to his mind as he quietly played. Although he can talk big trash, on that day he had to quietly play through his fear to reach a confident place in himself and his game. I believe it started inside; he had to ignore the looks and chants from opposing team saying “miss it,” to focus and make his free throws and score his points. Now, what started on the inside shows on the outside; he has this dangerous sidestep and shot, and his ball handling is sweet. But it took a lot of practice, patience, and courage to kill that initial fear.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is also a great example of mastering your fears. He had to have many days where he woke up not knowing if this would be his last day on earth. Death threats to him and his family were constant, but the dream he had was stronger than his reality he was facing. He marched, gave speeches, did sit-ins, marched over bridges and went to the White House, ignoring the fears of destruction and embracing the courage to obey the call on his life.

Jesus is the Answer.

Well, I wrote this to encourage you and to let you know that God had all these things in mind when Adam and Eve ate that fruit and brought sin into a perfect world, making it imperfect. God realized that no amount of earthly courage could handle some of the devastating situations we’d face in this life. So, He sent his son Jesus the best example of faith. He was sent on our behalf, and He endured the most gruesome beating; thirty-nine stripes on His back, a crown of thorns on His head, nails driven through His hands and feet, and being spat on and laughed at, all on top of being betrayed by a follower and having a friend who denied even knowing Him.

After enduring all of that, He died on a rugged cross between two thieves, leaving the world feeling hopeless for three days. On the third day, He rose with all power over death, fears, depression, loneliness, hatred, strongholds, and sin in His hands. With our faith, His love, and His power as our strength, we can conquer all.

Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love.

I CORINTHIANS 16:13-14

Fear Not (Conclusion)

During the writing of this book, I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to quit, and I’ve even stopped before. The devil pulled out some of his all-time dirty tricks on me and I was taking some of them on the chin. Then, I thought about how Noah’s obedience to God in building the ark saved not only him and his family, but humanity. It really is bigger than just you and me. It’s about opening locked doors and creating a fearless mindset that says yes to God, and being determined to die empty rather than full of possibilities.

President Franklin D. Roosevelt stated, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” and that fear can be of failure, rejection, and embarrassment, which are all genuine feelings facing us every day. But we must hold fast to the knowledge that God has already given you the grace and power you need to overcome the fear of those feelings. God told Paul as he struggled with a thorn in his flesh that wasn’t going to change, “My grace is sufficient for you” (II Corinthians 12:9). So, whatever you feel you don’t have or need—He has that covered.

As we present Jesus to this world and others receive Him and pursue relationships with Him, we will fulfill the “Salt of the Earth” (Matthew 5:14) mandate Jesus mentioned. Having a saved and fearless doctor praying for God’s divine healing in Jesus’ name before surgery or diagnosis can change the trajectory of someone’s life. Even having a saved and fearless lawyer when a young person gets in trouble, pulling them aside to pray the blood of Jesus to cover them can give them the strength and courage they need to change their lives too. The saved and fearless police officer who sits outside a troubled neighborhood or drives around on his or her beat, praying over its well-being. Or how about this one, a saved and fearless President that not only says “In God we trust,” but names the mighty name of Jesus and gives other leaders of the free world words of truth rather than lies and empty promises. This is how we fearlessly advance the kingdom of God.

The Word of God tells us that not only do we have the power to conquer our fears, but declares:

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

ROMANS 8:37

King David hit Goliath in the head with a slingshot and didn’t assume he was unconscious or dead, but ook his sword to make sure the job was done, cut his head off, and showed all that this enemy will never be a threat or bother their lives again.

With this book I pray those fear factors that are torturing your life and holding you hostage will finally be let go of, and that the heads of them will be decapitated. I declare and decree that from now on, you will have nothing holding you back from taking hold of the glorious destiny and purpose God created you for.

No weapon formed against you shall prosper.

ISAIAH 54:17

Book Editing

• Tula Editing (Laura): [email protected] 301-684-4052

• Termia Talbert

• Monica Terry

• Pastor Charles Talbert

• Kevin Juhasz: [email protected]

• All Bible quotes are from the New King James Version (1975), except where noted.

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